Now That I'm A Liberal...

If you're a liberal, stop reading now. 

Really. 

Stop. 

Now. 

Okay you had your chance. 

Remember this is all just for fun and is not coming directly from me. 

Trending on Twitter? 

#NowThatImALiberal

Hands down the best trend. 

Here are some of them. . . 

Now That I'm a Liberal. . . .

 - I can be free to have 15 kids by 12 different men & demand the government raise them. 

- Congratulate Obama on doing nothing for Sandy victims and still cry about Bush and Katrina.

- I think only illegal immigrants should have the right to vote.

- I don't have to worry about paying my mortgage or putting gas in my car... Obama's gonna take care of me!!

- I really feel it is my purpose to tell other people how to live their lives. 

- I'll defend animals but no unborn children.

- I can tell conservatives to get over Obama's reelection when I still haven't gotten over Bush's.

- It's all George Bush's fault. Global warming, the economy, Honey Boo Boo, the Kardashians... George Bush is to blame. 

- I believe people should have the right to abortions but not to Big Gulps.

- Everyone who is successful and intelligent is greedy and they take from the poor.

- I can scream "RACIST" at anyone who disagrees with me.

- I believe in freedom of religion... Just so long as you keep that whole "God" thing out of it. 

- I will boycott all Christian Bale movies, unless he changes his name to Actor Bale

- I can list "occupier" as my profession.

- Nobody should own a gun, it isn't fair to the burglars, they're just trying to make a living. 

- I want to legalize drugs and outlaw soda.

- I'm going to take up stamp collecting... Food stamps that is. 

Boom there ya have it! 

Hope you had a happy weekend! 

An Unappreciated Ad

My dad was putting my old car up for sale. He wanted me to write a description for it. 

This is what I came up with. . . 

This 2008 Mazda 3 will make you go zoom, zoom, zoom. 

With only one owner it is in impressively impeccable condition. This Mazda is exceptionally clean and has had a home in a garage all its life. The new tires will drastically improve its racing abilities and will be sure to keep you out of ditches this winter. The spacious trunk is large enough for two additional passengers and the commodious glove box will comfortably fit your laptop and the kitchen sink. With extremely low miles and great gas mileage let it take you on your next big adventure. 

My dad didn't like it. He said it made it sound like a college student owned it. 

Hmph! Go figure. 

Anyways if you want a Mazda 3 I can hook you up! 

Finals.

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And the best one

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Yup. That about sums it up! 

Hockey Newbs

There was a hockey game tonight and SHOCKER... I was there. 

So were some other girls who were in .... uh... let's say 10th grade. 

They had obviously never been to a hockey game before.

Don't get me wrong... I was a newbie once. But I feel like a lot of stuff is common sense. 

Enter their ridiculous antics 

Armstrong comes out of the penalty box, immediately grabs the puck and busts his butt down to the goal. We all thought he would score. He didn't but somehow ended up in the net himself. The girls behind us, ALL 5 of them, jump up out of their seats and legit SCREAM because they thought we got a goal. Best part about it? It was dead silent when they stopped. I hope they felt dumb. 

Next, someone gets checked hard right in front of us. One of the girls goes, "That looks fun!"

 She was serious. 

Umm, excuse me? What part of moving fast and stopping abruptly because someone checked you into the wall sounds fun??? Let's put you in that position and see if you still think it's "fun" after. mmmkay? 

End of first period. 

Girl behind us, "Is it halftime?" 

HA! 

The game got intense, I'll be the first to admit it. With the tension there was lots of yelling. Expected. 

At one point, one of the girls behind us yells, "call it!!!" at the ref. 

Umm, since it is obviously your first hockey game and from my basic observation that you have no idea what is going on, what exactly would you like them to call? 

Just curious. 

She probably wanted them to call a home run or a touchdown. I doubt she knows anything about charging, icing, offsides, hooking, tripping, roughing, holding, high sticking, or slashing. 

Oh and bee tee dubs, that camo with pink and black sequins at the bottom bridesmaids dress you are considering for your probably not too distant future wedding, well... you might want to reconsider. None of that sounds flattering. Unless you're marrying a guy from the show Duck Dynasty, which is highly unlikely. 

Anyways, the actual game. It was incredible. So intense. The boys did an amazing job and pulled off a win. They needed it. Final score? 7-4 

At one point there was a delayed penalty, it wouldn't be called until after we had come back in position of the puck. Because of this, San Francisco had pulled their goalie. Somehow the puck ended up flying down towards the empty net and rolled in! That's unheard of. It was absolutely incredible and since we hadn't touched the puck San Fran basically scored for us. 

Thanks guys! You're so thoughtful! 

Also, Collin Vock had a hat trick. First one I've ever witnessed. 

At the Maverik center they do a Pizza Hut trick and you get a free pizza if there's a hat trick. Boom, it's a thing. Totally got a coupon. 

Way to go Collin!!! 

Wow, that was a lot longer than expected. If any of you are still reading this you're the greatest! Thanks for putting up with all my hockey posts.  

I have the worst sore throat and lost my voice at the game, can't imagine why, so I best be off to bed.