Farmer Chris: A Serial Kisser AKA Bachelor Week 3

Okay, I've been super super sick lately and didn't even start doing recaps when the season first started. I thought about doing it last week and then it just didn't happen. I almost didn't do it this week either but I thought, why not? It's kind of been a staple on my blog for quite some time now. I know I'm starting on week 3 but this whole consistent blogging thing hasn't been my forte lately. So hopefully we'll get some weekly recaps going. 

The episode starts with Jimmy Kimmel creeping in on a sleeping Farmer Chris. Apparently he’s “taking over” this week and we had no idea because ABC didn’t clue us in at all. He makes an appearance at the mansion and brings out the “amazing jar” and tells them he’s just there to sleep with them all. I wonder how his wife feels about that. He never lets this “joke” go for the rest of the episode. Let's be honest. Chris Harrison doesn't do anything on the show so why in the world would we need a co-host of sorts? If the girls were wondering why the dates weren't as extravagant this week I think they could find the answer by that check in Jimmy Kimmel's pocket. 

Kaitlyn gets the first date card and everyone thinks it is going to be extravagant. Well, they went to Costco. I think the only person who would like this date would be my dad. Costco is the only store he goes to. Anyways, Farmer Chris has probably never seen a store this size since he is from Podunk farm town, population: him. Once he asked where the "toy isle" was I am sure he has never been to Costco before. 

I’m not quite sure what Kaitlyn decided to wear on the date. It was an interesting outfit choice if I do say so myself. She made it clear that she was bummed they went to Costco for their date but if she can’t handle that then she isn’t the one for Farmer Chris. If going to Costco isn’t exciting for her then sitting at home with a weekly trip to the Piggly Wiggly isn’t going to suffice.

They go back to his place and make out and Farmer Chris has lipstick smeared all over his face. It was safe to say his lips were a full on Revlon Strawberry Topaz shade of pink. Jimmy of course has to show up. They cook dinner and Jimmy awkwardly stays the rest of the night. Kaitlyn says she’s into farmers and Jimmy asks her questions about it…

Jimmy: you’ve dated farmers

Kaitlyn: … uhhh yeah……

Jimmy: What kind of farmers were they?

Kaitlyn:…… umm…. Like legit farmers. Like with cows.

Jimmy: So how many farmers have you dated.

Kaitilyn…uhhh just one actually.

Nothing like catching you in your lies Kaitlyn.

Ever since she stepped out of the limo and said something along the lines of “You can plow my field anytime” I haven’t liked Kaitlyn. She’s not very lady like. So on second thought, maybe she does belong in a field in the middle of no where. Anyways, still don’t like her. She also has some really weird choices for tattoo placement.

Group date time….

They have a little farm obstacle course and Carly wins. As her prize she gets a photo op where they dress up like the famous American Gothic painting. Do they realize that in the painting it is supposed to be a farmer and his daughter? Not like husband and wife …. So there’s that.

Carly kisses Farmer Chris during their alone time.

Amber kisses Farmer Chris during their alone time.

Jillian kisses Farmer Chris during their alone time.

Mackenzie, little 21 year old Mackenzie, gets pissed off because he’s kissing other girls. Has she ever seen The Bachelor before? Probably not. it was probably on after her bedtime.  How did she even get cast on this show? She’s 21. 21! And Farmer Chris is 33. 33! I totally understand age gaps in relationships. I do. But the maturity level between 21 and 33 is quite drastic. How she made it on the show and how she is still around is beyond me.

Becca gets the group date rose. I actually really like Becca even though I feel like we haven’t seen much of her yet. One of my top favorites. 

Whitney gets the next one on one date with Farmer Chris. They go to a winery and sit and have awkward conversation and “decide” they’re going to go “crash” this wedding. They go change and get a present… more like the producers handed them one…. And they head off to the reception. And of course they have to make it dramatic by having Farmer Chris say, “we could end up in jail.” hahaha Riiiiiiight. Don't fret Farmer Chris, ABC already made sure it was okay to have you go. 

I’m pretty sure this was super set up… they have video of them at the wedding. Whether it was with an actual camera or a phone is beside the point. If someone was videoing that much, regardless on what device, someone was bound to know. Also the people’s faces weren’t blurred out which means ABC must have gotten their permission. So yeah that was super “spontaneous”! Just like the rest of the show, right? 

I wonder if they paid for Farmer Chris to take dance lessons... because it really paid off. 

It must have been super convenient that they didn’t have another activity planned for that night.

Also I’m pretty sure the song they had playing when they were slow dancing was on previous seasons of this show. Like pretty sure. How could any of us Bachelor fans forget that cringe worthy song? 

Anyways Whitney gets a rose.

Surprise, no cocktail party. Pool party instead. We’ve seen it before.

Ashley I. was super bummed that she couldn’t do her “Kardashian look” tonight. Cue the limo. We’ve had enough of her.

Juelia tells Farmer Chris about how she lost her husband and it was pretty sad.

Cut to commercial break… come back and they pretend that whole depressing conversation didn’t just happen.

Jade gets Farmer Chris to take her to his place. There she decides they need to “test his bed”. Also, did you check out her hooker shoes she brought to the pool party? So they make out while Jillian is awkwardly standing outside in his hot tub, which, by the way, is not filled up with ketchup. Blame Farmer Chris and Kaitlyn for that one. 

Megan, Mackenzie, and Ashley I. go and awkwardly meet up with Jillian and Farmer Chris in the hot tub. The three of them talk about who should get the next alone time and Farmer Chris just sits there awkwardly watching. Man up Farmer Chris and take some initiative. He obviously didn't want to take to any of the three. 

Ashley I. Finally gets her alone time after having a cry fest and she’s happy.

So the kiss count this far if you weren’t keeping track….

Kaitylyn, Carly, Amber, Jillian, Whitney, Britt, Jade, and Ashley I.

I think it’s safe to say that Farmer Chris is a serial kisser compared to previous bachelors. And we thought they were bad. 

Rose Ceremony time… Ashley I. is called last and about craps her pants.

Amber, Trina, and Tracy are sent packing.

2 last things….

1. How is crazy eyed Ashley still around??

And

2. I caught 2 “amazings” that they didn’t ding that stupid bell for. How many did you catch?