Monday Not So Fun-Day

I don't know about you guys but I think Mondays can always use a little spicing up. 

So if you're bored or could use a break from the most wretched day of the week, I put up some of the videos I've found lately that simply make me smile and laugh. Most are funny but I just thought the first one was super cool and think this guy is amazingly talented. 

This was probably the greatest thing they remembered about the show during the final week of Late Night  w/ Jimmy

And because this was probably the funniest hockey moment at the olympics and because we all know how I feel about hockey.

Also, today my professor was talking about populations and said "one pop." 

I heard "Juan Pab" 

Kill me. I hate The Bachelor. 

Bachelor Week 7: A Girl Fight & An Exit

So this is basically an eternity late. I had it written Monday night but this week has been quite interesting (more on that later) and I didn't end up posting it until today. Obviously. I thought about not even posting it but I figured I had it written so why not.

The episode starts and we are basically 100% positive that Sharleen will in fact be going home this episode. Seeing as we go from 6 to 4 and I highly doubt she goes on a hometown date.  It’s also very clear that Clare and Nikki hate each other. It’s starting to remind me of the Alli and Vienna feud.

“We’re back in Miami, where everything began” Actually Juan Pabs… you need to study your geography because I’m pretty sure this Bach-aye-lore thing started in Cali.

They so kindly get delivered a box of skimpy swimwear. Apparently Sharleen and Andi’s one pieces upset the producers. I’m pretty sure this season is the first in 26 that we have seen a one piece or semi one piece on this show.

Chelsie just wants time but she should realize by now that she is also definitely going home because it’s obvious that he’s not digging her. Juan Pablo hands the date card to Sharleen. Sharleen’s first unintelligent comment of this season “I read it?” Yes honey, that seems to be the trend from the past 6 weeks. 

Clare is super pissed off that Sharleen got the one on one date. Because the fact that she had her second one last week is just totally unfair. She’s about as pleasant to listen to as a telemarketer. I think he actually should take Clare on another one on one date. They can go bunjee jumping and for the first time in Bachelor history, the rope won’t work and we’ll never have to hear  how hard her life is again.

Chelsie is also pissed Sharleen got the date.

Clare: “What is Sharleen?”

    

Well, she’s a NORMAL person who finds this process of falling in “love” over the course of a max of 40 days totally absurd. 

Andi is also pissed that she got the date.

Time for their date.

Sharleen asks JP if she seems uptight and he actually knows what that means… or does he? His response… “not that tight.” And of course all he wants to do is kiss her. I don’t understand why he likes her so much. Not that she’s not a decent girl it’s just that they don’t seem to fit. I guess it’s that whole thing about how guys like the chase and he likes the fact that she won’t give it up as easy as ugh cough Clare cough cough.

Nikki is also pissed that she got the date.

Sharleen says that the fact that she can’t stop kissing him “disturbs” her. I seriously laughed out loud. That’s probably the first time that word has even been used on this show when talking about the lead. 

At this point I can sum up their date pretty quick. They sit on a boat and make out. They move to a beach and make out. They go out in the water and make out. They move to a lounge chair and make out. The end.

I’m pretty sure his intelligence level is nowhere near hers and so instead of having to go through an awkward conversation an make himself look like more of a fool he avoids it by just making out with her for the 12 hours they’re on their date.

Nikki gets the one on one date tomorrow and says something about it’s good she danced in Korea. But if I recall that whole episode was her complaining about that date non-stop. The first thing she says when she sees him is “What are we doing?” She really wants to know so that she can start *&@%#&$! And whining about it asap.

Back at the house Sharleen finally says it’s best if she leaves. I’m glad she finally said it out loud.

Juan Pablo is taking Nikki to go meet his parents. And his daughter. And his ex. That’s probably the first time on the Bachelor that this has happened. And he must be really oblivious and not care that much or be super into Nikki and at this point it could most definitely be either of those. I for one really couldn’t believe how pleasant his ex wife was. If that were me I would not have let a woman who went on national television to “fall in love” come. I also find it hilarious that Juan Pablo who was SO CONCERNED about what his daughter will think, took the liberty of taking one of 6 remaining girls to meet her but yet we know he will show up with a completely different girl in a matter of about 2 weeks. But don’t worry that’s totally ah-septable.

They go to Marlins Park. His “office.” It kills me that he calls it that but it really kills me that she is calling it that as well. I think she forgot half of her dress at the hotel and I hope I’m not the only one who caught Juan Pablo staring down the front of her dress more than once or twice or ten times.

His favorite thing to say this episode is “What are you thinking? Tell me.”

“When Juan Pablo planned this date for me, he hit a homerun” Oh geez. Who came up with that one? And now she’s definitely in love with him.

I thought that was super sweet and polite for Sharleen to tell the girls what was going on instead of just sneaking off to talk to Juan Pablo. Clare cough cough. And this leads to the conversation with Juan Pabs telling him she’s leaving. She knocks on his door and basically barges into his room. It was awesome. She full on says that to be ready for marriage in three weeks is insane and she’s not up for that. Way to go Sharleen. The first fully sane person to be on The Bachelor. She should get a medal for that! And with that Sharleen finally leaves. And Juan Pablo heads out to the balcony to get that leaning over the balcony, crying, bachelor money shot.

Group date time

They get in a plane and head to a private beach. Of course, Clare has to sit closest to Juan Pablo. I personally hope that she makes it to the final two and he dumps her just so we can all watch the melt down of the century.

Immediately the rose is there and all the girls start freaking out. Chelsie feels that the most beneficial way to spend her one on one time is to read him a stack letters. He definitely really wants to keep her around now. Andi gets the next one on one time. She feels the most beneficial way to spend her time is to break down and cry in hopes of getting the sympathy rose. Think it will work? Well in the past 26 seasons this tactic has been proven to work time and time again. Am I the only one that really does not like Andi? I get the feeling that everyone likes her and wants her to be the next Bachelorette if Juan Pabs doesn’t end up with her but I just don’t think I could personally stand a whole season featuring her. Andi just loves how he calms her down so much. Because, ya know, he didn’t say two words that could possibly “calm her down”. Clare feels it’s most beneficial to get all emotional about her dad and his video and basically tries the tug the heart string route to get the rose. And the break down tactic works through and through… Andi gets the rose. Which of course Clare thinks is totally not fair. Okay, where was Renee on that date… I don’t recall seeing any one on one time with her. Maybe I just totally missed it or she really didn’t get any air time.

Anyways Andi and Juan Pablo head to a place with some latin music and get up on stage and dance. Which was more like them standing there bending their knees. But Andi thinks he’s a really good dancer. Umm honey, he suuuuuuuuucks.

Back at the hotel Clare can’t stop whining about how unfair it is. Because she “really needs that reassurance” even though she had a one on one date last week, got the very first one on one date, and had quite the rendezvous at 4 AM with him. She’s probably had the most juan on juan time of any of the girls. Clare gets mad because Nikki won’t sit there and listen to her cry so she feels the need to chase Nikki and make her listen to her sob story. Quite honestly as much as I dislike Nikki, I totally don’t blame her in this situation. Clare gets mad when Nikki tries to get a word in edge wise. I about died when Nikki asked Clare to leave and Clare says she doesn’t have to because it’s everybody’s room, she’s not paying for the room, it’s “open space”, yada yada yada. I totally think Nikki had a right to ask her to leave because yes, they are sharing a suite, but that is Nikki’s personal room that she’s not sharing with anybody else. I will say that I get the vibe that the other girls don’t like Nikki but in this situation I personally think Clare is acting crazy. But I’m telling you, Clare…. Bunjee jumping date…. Genius idea.

What did you guys think of this whole saga????? I’m dying to know.

Best line of the whole episode?

“Clare is like a dog. She peed on him first. She claimed her territory. She claimed some territory that might not be hers.”

Rose ceremony time and I personally think that our “Science Educator” or Renee will be heading home.

10 seconds into the cocktail party Clare is already snapping at Nikki.

Renee finally gets some one on one time that was shown…. For about two seconds.

Some of the things that Nikki said in her interviews were pretty shocking. I felt like we were in Courtney territory again. Apparently Nikki and Clare are both beasts and well, you know what happens when you put two Betas in the same bowl. Them sitting there together was probably more awkward than your parents walking in during the only sex scene of the entire movie.

I’m glad Juan Pablo got super dressed up for this rose ceremony. What happened to the Bachelor being classy and wearing a suit and tie for these things. Justin Timberlake would be disappointed because, “As long as I got my suit and tie….”

Andi - rose

Nikki – rose

Clare – rose

Renee – rose

Valentine Bandwagon

I'm sure you're tired of seeing Valentine's Day posts so I won't make this too long. 

I was bored a couple weeks ago and made a ton of cards and sent them out. Like 20 of them. 

Here are some of them 

for my dad… he races. lots. 

my mom has been dvr-ing and watching BoB Ross lately. I couldn't resist. 

for my cousin. Her last name is Fox. 

for my book obsessed cousin. We like to watch Harry Potter together.

my sister is inexplicably obsessed with zombie shows lately.
So I gave her a zombie valentine.

for my littlest niece. 

for my nephew who could eat five plates of bacon a day. 

for my brother… because he's the only one who would appreciate this. 

Everybody also got one of these little bags with kisses and other stuff in it. 

Hope you had a very Happy Valentines Day! 

Except today might be even better than Valentines Day because all the candy is now on sale haha 

Bachelor Week 6: Metaphors & Makeouts

For starters, in the promo we hear Sharleen say it’s best if she leaves. I told you she was going to eliminate herself at some point. She just doesn’t fit and I’m shocked she hasn’t gotten up the nerve to leave earlier.

We open with Juan Pablo in a plane. He’s just so excited because he’s The Bach-aye-lore and his fame is going through the roof. He just can’t wait until his spot on Dancing With the Stars is secured.  “It’s a beautiful place with rivers and mountains” He obviously hasn’t seen much of America. Because you know, we don’t have mountains or rivers anywhere at all. It’s one big flat as a pancake desert.

It sounded like they said they were staying at the hookah something resort? Are they just gonna sit around and get high while they cry because they didn’t have a one on one date?

Clare thinks that New Zealand is a beautiful place but it “has a dark cloud over it.” That couldn’t be because she walked the plank with Juan Pablo last week could it? Go ahead. Milk the situation for all it’s worth and get that spot light back on you. We know you didn’t do anything more than has previously happened on The Bachelor regardless of all the up roar this past week.

Andi get’s the first one on one “Let’s heat things up” Immediately Clare is pissed off. Shocker! We haven’t seen that before at all.

Renee and Cassandra miss their kids and they feel like they’re wasting their time. Hate to break it to you but you are. Even if he picks you in the end just take a glance at the past 26 seasons and you’ll realize you probably won’t stay together longer than 3 months anyways.

“We’re in the land of volcanoes and we can all feel the pressure” Is making cheesy metaphors a requirement during casting?

Juan Pablo really wanted to go on a date with Andi. But more like it was the producers chose her for the next Juan on Juan. They get on a boat that goes super fast … wait I got this… Being on a jet boat going this fast is just like this experience. Everything happens so fast and I’m just falling in love… How’d I do? Did I pass the horrible metaphor test?

Juan Pablo tells Andi that they’re going to go swimming and Juan Pablo rubs his hands together in excitement. I bet Cameeeela showed him how to act like a giddy five year old. He lifts Andi into the river because she’s definitely not capable of getting in on her own. They went down a little canyon that got pretty narrow. But if a camera guy and equipment can fit, well then, they definitely can. I’m sure this is the perfect spot for another cheesy metaphor. I will give Andi props for not freaking out like Chelsie or Nikki and taking ten years before doing something. Andi is just so happy that he’s taking care of her and that he’s helping her over rocks and making sure she doesn’t fall. She thinks that something really amazing could happen. Like they’ll make it back to the boat without being eaten by an alligator. That would be amazing. But being eaten by an alligator might be a better choice than a date with Juan Pabs at this point. 

They finally get to a waterfall and instantly start making out because apparently that’s what you do when you go to a waterfall. Especially if you’re on The Bachelor. Line 562 of the contract states so. He sure didn’t waste anytime with Andi. After last week with Clare you’d imagine that he wouldn’t want to touch any girl. And let’s be honest. I highly doubt he and Clare did the deed but what was so different between him and Clare vs. him and Andi? Because they sure got pretty handsy in that water fall. I guarantee that wasn’t any different than what happened with Clare last week. What are your thoughts on this? I’m SO curious to know what other people are thinking.

----I was going to insert a picture of the waterfall here but they basically look naked in all of them (even though they aren't). But I can't help but post a link to this picture if you want just go look at it. Please just notice where Juan Pablos shorts are. How is that any different than what happened with Clare?----

After their waterfall excursion they go have dinner by a geyser. Juan Pablo says it’s going to “blow her mind” Blow? Is that a geyser metaphor? Geez we’re like 15 minutes in and already we’ve heard like 20 of these cheesy things. Can someone please keep track one episode because it’s getting repulsive. A geyser goes off and “completely ruined their dinner.” I think Andi is kind of a crowd favorite but I find her kind of dull and boring. I mean isn’t there a happy medium between drama filled Clare and dull Andi? The most exciting thing Andi has done is make out in a snack shack and now a waterfall. If she is the next Bachelorette I’m pretty sure it will be just like Des’ season and let’s face it, they need to seriously mix it up.

Back at the house, the group date card arrives and Clare realizes that she gets a one on one. Her second of the season. She’s just so happy because it will give them more time to hash and rehash the drama of the 4 am swimming debacle. Just what the producers were looking for! Lucky them!

Andi isn’t going to let the fact that dinner was ruined ruin her evening because there’s plenty more hours to be spent making out with him. Andi says she just can’t wait to have a family. Because that’s just what Juan Pablo wants to hear because in case ya’ll didn’t know, he’s a single dad. Juan pulls a rose out of his jacket like a bad magician at a mall show and Andi a-septs it. Then they make out some more. I’m pretty sure that’s all they did on their date.

Makeout, cheesy metaphor, makeout, cheesy metaphor, lather, rinse, repeat.

They continue to make out and at this point I’m just looking for my toothbrush because I just can’t handle watching him makeout with all these girls. I don’t know what it is about him vs other bachelors but he just… I don’t know. I just can’t handle it. 

Oh how convenient a Dyson vacuum commercial. They should get Juan Pablo to be a spokesman because he knows all about sucking…. Face.

Group date time. Is it just me or is Juan Pabs especially hard to understand this episode? Oh and in case you didn’t hear Cassandra say it the 13 times before, it’s her 22 birthday today. It was also Lucy’s birthday and guess what … she got sent home on her birthday. Sounds like a bad omen to me.  

They go and roll down a giant hill in massive hamster balls. Nikki and Juan Pablo just make out the whole way down. Can we please just start calling him the Bi-Polar Bachelor? Because it’s either like no, I’m not kissing anyone. Or all over everyone, all the time, eating their faces off.

They head to “Hobbiton” where Lord of the Rings was filmed. Which by the looks of all these girls you can tell they’ve read all the books and spent hours watching the movies. Juan Pablo hasn't read the books either because he wouldn't know what every other word mesa. Juan Pablo doesn’t know it yet but guess what ya’ll!? It’s Cassandra’s birthday!!!! Woah, why didn’t someone say so sooner?

Him and Renee get some one on one time. She’s worried that guys look at her and think of her as baggage. Well, they do. Just ask Kalon. He would say that anyone who’s got a child has some definite baggage and unfortunately, an extra 50 dollar fee won’t cover it. Don’t worry though; I’m sure we could get Emily to go all hood rat on any guy who calls a child baggage. And no one saw this coming but they make out. Renee says there’s sparks and chemistry and well, he obviously isn’t thinking that because it took him how many weeks to finally kiss her? 5 I believe.

Sharleen is questioning her feelings again for the 6^th straight episode. So she goes to talk to him and before she can get her first sentence out he’s already makin’ out with her. It seems to be a trend this episode.

Sharleen: “you don’t waste anytime.”

JP: “What does that mean?”

Hahahaha he doesn’t comprehend anything any girl says to him.

Juan says he’s feeling great. I wonder why. He’s getting what he wants from all the girls. Can I just say I loved how they played the “awkward” music while him and Sharleen were together. Too bad it wasn’t playing while this was actually going on. She keeps trying to talk to him and instead of trying to understand the things she says like “bland” and “wasting any time” he figures he’ll just keep kissing her. That way he doesn’t have to try and understand what anybody is saying. And the most awkward one-on-one time goes to Juan Pablo and his opera singer.

Cassandra thinks that she should get the rose strictly because it’s her birthday. Him and Cassandra actually have a conversation instead of swapping spit, which only means one thing. He’s not into her.

And the rose goes to Sharleen. He is super into her and she just doesn’t like him. It’s so interesting to me. It kind of cracks me up. Has this ever happened before where the main lead is super into someone who doesn’t reciprocate?

He pulls Cassandra aside, which can only mean one thing. Buh bye. Sorry, hun, he’s just not hooked on your phonics. And apparently Juan Pablo doesn’t like celebrating birthdays so instead of eating cake he’ll send them packing to celebrate with a gingerale and bag of peanuts on the plane. At least Lucy got to blow out a candle before being sent packing. He claims he didn’t know it was her birthday until after but I’m pretty sure he was informed and just chose to ignore it.

Clare and Juan Pabs meet up for a picnic. On some rocks. That looks really comfortable. Clare “needs answers.” About what? I’m not so sure. Oh! She wants to know about boundaries. Please, do tell. I’m super curious because it doesn’t seem like he has too many boundaries. Riddle me how a guy who goes on national television to find his “soul mate” thinks it’s inappropriate to hold hands in front of his daughter? I’m telling you, Bi-Polar Bachelor. He’s so concerned about being a good role model for Cameeeeela but he says he’s not going to kiss the girls and then he’s made out with every girl this episode (minus Kat).

Clare says that the day couldn’t have gone any better. Unless of course there was an ocean and it was 4a.m.

Clare: “In the past I’d just bolt”

JP: “wha”

Clare:“bolt”

JP: “What does that mean?”

Really? Ya’ll are fightin’ over this guy?

Well, at least birthday and Christmas presents will be easy. Rosetta Stone, English for Dummies, Dick and Jane books, Webster’s Dictionary.

Juan “really likes listening” to her. Because that’s all he can do is smile and nod because he doesn’t understand anything she is saying. They change into sweats so that they can have a rerun of last week. He gives her the rose and tries to use the word “bolt” but she has to correct him. Ha! Nice try Juan Pabs! In his interview… “I’m glad she didn’t bolt” This just keeps getting better! They “dance” and makeout… a lot. And she’s just so happy because wan pabs magically had a CD of the song from their first date, which Clare deems as “their song”. Barf. Did ya’ll notice how she wouldn’t even set the rose down? She seems to be here more to “win” than to find “true love”. I have a feeling she’ll be hanging around till at least the final 3. What do you guys think?

The storm clouds roll in and it’s time for the Rose Ceremony. My guess is that Kat or Chelsie get sent home because both of them had virtually no air time this episode. Not a good sign for them.

Chelsie used the word “frazzled” Juan Pablo doesn’t know what that means

¹fraz·zle verb \ˈfra-zəl\

: to make (someone) very nervous or upset

he didn’t kiss Chelsie, which means she’s a candidate for the limo ride.

And if we’re being honest I was looking at blogs while he talked to Kat. It was just some sob story about her daddy issues and how because of that it’s hard for her to get close to any guy and I zoned out for the rest of that conversation. I do think he ended up kissing her though. So that just backs up my thoughts that it was either Kat or Chelsie going home.

Sharleen, Andi, and Clare are already safe

Nikki – gets a rose

Renee- gets a rose

Chelsie – gets a rose

I really did not think Chelsie was going to get a rose.

So now we are left with

-Sharleen

-Renee

-Nikki

-Clare

-Chelsie

- Andi

Let’s just play around with this for a second. We know that he doesn’t like Chelsie. It’s obvious from their one on one time. Sharleen doesn’t like him. So based on that I would say that Chelsie gets eliminated and we’ve already heard the voice over for Sharleen saying it’s best if she goes and the previews for next week show what looks like her telling him she’s leaving. I’m assuming she eliminates herself somewhere in the near future. I don’t see her going on to the hometown dates especially when she says every episode that she’s not feeling it. That would leave Renee, Nikki, Clare, and Andi as the final 4. Based off of the things he says and does with Clare I think she will make it to the final 3, 2 or possibly be his final pick. I don’t see him with Renee in the long run, they just don’t mesh that well and she could do better. So I’m assuming from what we’re seeing that Andi, Clare, and Nikki will be the final 3. If I had to guess from those three, I would guess that he picks Clare in the end. What do you guys think?

Sunday Social

Linkin' up today with Ashley and Neely for a good ol' Sunday Social!

This weeks questions are all about movies and TV 

1. What is your favorite thing to watch on a girls night? 

I'm all about chick flicks and comedy on a girls night. 

She's the Man, Beastly, What Happens in Vegas, and of course any Nicholas Sparks movie. 

2. What is your favorite thing to watch on your day off? 

The first thing I usually do is get caught up on all my episodes I missed throughout the week. I don't know what I'd do without DVR or Hulu these days. Seriously, what did we do before that? 

3. What is your favorite thing to watch when you're sick? 

To be honest when I'm feeling really crappy I don't have the patience to fully focus so I usually just put on whatever just to have background noise. I haven't been feeling too hot the past couple days and I've been binge watching 7th Heaven. 

4. What is the last movie you saw in theaters? 

Frozen! I thought it was really cute and I liked it. But if we're being honest I think it's getting a little out of hand and all the hype makes me not so interested in it anymore. 

5. What are your top three favorite movies or tv shows? 

(at the current moment) 

Movies 

1. Home Alone (will always be my #1)

2. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

3. Safe Haven 

TV

1. Parenthood

2. Last Man Standing  - this has to be the FUNNIEST TV show I have seen in forever. I can't remember the last TV show that actually had me laughing out loud. I would highly recommend it! (it's on Netflix!)

3. Dance Moms - Well this show… it's like a train wreck you just can't look away from. It seriously is thoroughly entertaining to see grown women get so worked up over dance. 

Thursday Bullet Points

You know those days where you're just freaking happy and content with life for no reason at all? Today was one of those days and I loved it. I wish everyday were like this. I've been having quite a few of these lately so I'll be content with that. 

Bullet points. That's what's been keeping my life semi organized lately so I'll keep with that theme. 

• One of my professors said that bloggers are fifty year old men who sit in their mother's basement, in their underwear, drinking Red Bull, and typing nonsense at 3 am. I was offended. We are not 50 year old men. But maybe the 3 am part is accurate some of the time. 
• I got the Naked 3 Palette. It's mainly blush colors, which look awesome with green eyes! 

• For one of my classes it is required that we watch a movie and then write a 2 page analysis. I was dreading this when she told us and then when I looked at the syllabus and saw that the movie was The Devil Wears Prada it was all better. 
• I thought my neighbors, who just moved in, didn't believe in blinds because their largest window has no window coverings what so ever.  This was until I realized that all their other windows have pull down blinds. This wouldn't normally be a problem but their window is this close to mine. . . 

           The other day my brother came to hang out and he peeked out my closed blinds through a tiny

           tiny slit. Apparently this was enough for him to make awkward eye contact with the lady sitting

           at her table. My brother basically jumped 3 feet back when it happened. I'm sure they just love 

           me by now. 

           It's just too bad that a cute single guy didn't move in… then we totally could've pulled this off. 

            

 I mean writing notes through the window? Too cute. 

• I ran into… well I wouldn't call him an ex because we weren't together but we did have a couple month long fling… and well, he called me Ky! That's just not okay unless you play a regular role in my life. Or you're a blogger friend :) 
• I was one of three people in a class of 60 that put a required "learning statement" in my 50 page project. Even though it was required my professor didn't doc anyone points who didn't put it in. Can't I please be rewarded for taking two seconds to read the syllabus that we were given a month ago and doing what was asked?!?! 
• My kitty cat is going to come live with me now that I'm in a more permanent place. I was bored and decorated what will be her area. I need to get a life. 

• I'm loving my huge chalk board I have in my kitchen. It's so fun and I love that I can change it up. I love changing things up! Here's the one for February! 

If any of you our there are chalk boarders here's an awesome tip! Dip your chalk in water before you write with it… It goes on clear at first but then turns SUPER white and stands out much better! 

• I was watching How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and making valentines at the same time. Ironic. 

Have a happy weekend ya'll! 

Juan Pablo Goes to Hell

Sorry this is a little later than normal. School is taking over my life.
I think this week I'll just throw some bullet points up and make it snappy. I don't really have too much to say this week… I lose more and more interest each week.

- This week they were in Vietnam. We got the usual "I can't believe it," "dream come true," "falling in love," you know, the typical Bachelor word vomit.

- Renee gets the first one on one date. She's so excited because she hasn't kissed him yet. He's kissed basically all of the girls except Renee… that should tell her something.

- Juan Pablo puts her in the Vietnam equivalent of a stroller. Good thing he's a dad and is familiar with the baby buggy territory.

- They go to a tailor and she gets fitted for a dress. Little did she know that getting felt up by that tailor was the most action she'd be getting all night.

- They go shopping for their kids. Because if you didn't know, both Renee and Juan Pablo are single parents! Gosh, why don't they tell us this stuff!?! It's like we barely can figure it out. Cameeeela gets a dress that she'll probably never wear and Renee's son gets a hat. Because what 9 year old kid wouldn't want to strut around wearing a hat like that, damaging his reputation for the rest of his grade school years.

- yada yada yada. She wants a kiss. Juan Pabs says there's no way that will be happening tonight because he "doesn't want to disrespect her son" which translates into "I don't want to kiss Renee"

- She gets a rose. Are we really surprised? I don't think we will see anyone sent home on a one on one date this season. He doesn't have the guts to tell people he's not into them. So he just keeps them around and doesn't kiss them. Anyone else notice that we have yet to have a 2 on 1 date. I honestly have to wonder if they will even do one. Juan probably can't handle it.

- The group date card comes. Sharleen, Chelsie, Kat, Cassandra, Clare, Danielle, Kelly, and Alli.

- They head off to some boats and have to pair up. Clare gets to go with Juan Pablo because she has no friends in the house and no one would be caught dead pairing up with her.

- If the girls didn't hate her enough, her and Juan Pabs start mackin' down "in the bushes" where they know no one will see them. Except for the 7 other girls on the date.

-They had dinner after "inviting themselves in" to a family's home. Because you know, it was totally spontaneous and not planned at all. Just like everything else on this show.

- After dinner the real drama starts.

- At the group date cocktail party Juan Pablo grabs Clare and they head off back to his suite to go for a swim. Of course none of the other girls even notice that when she comes back her hair is wet and pulled back.

- Sharleen tells us she's unsure of her feelings for Juan Pablo. For the 100th time in a row. She doesn't get it. Maybe someone should tell her that it's obviously not going to work between them especially since SHE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE HIM!!! Maybe if someone sings it opera style to her she'll get it. She should eliminate herself and go home already. Don't get me wrong, I like the chick but she's normal and realizes that "falling in love" and getting engaged after 6 full weeks together is kind of ridiculous. She'd be better off if she left.

- The group date rose went to Clare. Hmm… wonder why.

- After the group date Clare says there's something she's always wanted to do… swim in a warm ocean. And isn't 4 am just the PERFECT time for that? So she sneaks off to go see Juan Pablo with I'm sure no encouragement at all from the producers. Cough, cough.

- He agrees and they go do well…  it was kind of vague and turned into a big to do so I guess it's left up to us viewers to decide. Did they do the deed? If I recall didn't Courntey and Ben do this same thing in his season? Except they went into the water with no clothes on to begin with.

- Clare said it was the best night of her life. And then I believe she compared herself to a baby giraffe? Really? Was that the best she could come up with? I guess when it's 6 am and you haven't slept in 24 hrs. and you're loaded up on the boos, we can't really expect much more.

- Nikki gets her one on one date next. She's just super confident because "I always get the rose on the group date!" Her date card reads, "Let's have a hell of a good time."

- They go repelling and there's about a million more of the typical Bachelor cliches about how this is just like falling in love with him, and it's so scary, and it's life or death, and it's all about trust. Okay how many seasons of the Bachelor/Bachelorette is this? 26. No one has died! But she's putting all her trust in Juan Pablo…. not the ropes, or repelling equipment, or the professionals that are standing a mere 7 inches away. Because if she falls it will definitely rest on Juan Pablo. Oh, just get a grip and go to hell Nikki. (meaning the cave of course)

-Nikki gets a rose.

-The cocktail party…. the main part was Juan Pablo and Clare hashing and re-hashing the midnight mingle in the "warm ocean". Juan tells her it was a mistake and Clare cries her eyes out, I mean allergies her eyes out for the rest of the night.

- Remembering back to the first night… Clare showed up with a fake baby bump, no?

Well now she's going to be showing up to the After the Final Rose with a real one! 

That will be a first… a Bachelor baby!!! It's bound to happen at some point, yeah? 

- In the end Juan Pabs sent Kelly, Danielle, and Alli home. 

- I'm sure this cocktail party isn't the last time we hear about Clare's 4 am rendezvous with him. The promos for next week clearly show that she has a one on one and they're talking about it. 

Keepin' it short(er) and sweet this week. Thank heavens "Juan-uary" is over… Now we're into "Febru-Arie" I personally think he should still be the bachelor because quite frankly, Arie is just down right hilarious.