So this is basically an eternity late. I had it written Monday night but this week has been quite interesting (more on that later) and I didn't end up posting it until today. Obviously. I thought about not even posting it but I figured I had it written so why not.
The episode starts and we are basically 100% positive that
Sharleen will in fact be going home this episode. Seeing as we go from 6 to 4
and I highly doubt she goes on a hometown date. It’s also very clear that Clare and Nikki hate each other.
It’s starting to remind me of the Alli and Vienna feud.
“We’re back in Miami, where everything began” Actually Juan
Pabs… you need to study your geography because I’m pretty sure this
Bach-aye-lore thing started in Cali.
They so kindly get delivered a box of skimpy swimwear.
Apparently Sharleen and Andi’s one pieces upset the producers. I’m pretty sure
this season is the first in 26 that we have seen a one piece or semi one piece
on this show.
Chelsie just wants time but she should realize by now that
she is also definitely going home because it’s obvious that he’s not digging
her. Juan Pablo hands the date card to Sharleen. Sharleen’s first unintelligent
comment of this season “I read it?” Yes honey, that seems to be the trend from
the past 6 weeks.
Clare is super pissed off that Sharleen got the one on one
date. Because the fact that she had her second one last week is just totally
unfair. She’s about as pleasant to listen to as a telemarketer. I think he
actually should take Clare on another one on one date. They can go bunjee
jumping and for the first time in Bachelor history, the rope won’t work and
we’ll never have to hear how hard
her life is again.
Chelsie is also pissed Sharleen got the date.
Clare: “What is Sharleen?”
Well, she’s a NORMAL person who finds this process of
falling in “love” over the course of a max of 40 days totally absurd.
Andi is also pissed that she got the date.
Time for their date.
Sharleen asks JP if she seems uptight and he actually knows
what that means… or does he? His response… “not that tight.” And of course all
he wants to do is kiss her. I don’t understand why he likes her so much. Not
that she’s not a decent girl it’s just that they don’t seem to fit. I guess
it’s that whole thing about how guys like the chase and he likes the fact that
she won’t give it up as easy as ugh cough Clare cough cough.
Nikki is also pissed that she got the date.
Sharleen says that the fact that she can’t stop kissing him
“disturbs” her. I seriously laughed out loud. That’s probably the first time
that word has even been used on this show when talking about the lead.
At this point I can sum up their date pretty quick. They sit
on a boat and make out. They move to a beach and make out. They go out in the
water and make out. They move to a lounge chair and make out. The end.
I’m pretty sure his intelligence level is nowhere near hers
and so instead of having to go through an awkward conversation an make himself
look like more of a fool he avoids it by just making out with her for the 12
hours they’re on their date.
Nikki gets the one on one date tomorrow and says something
about it’s good she danced in Korea. But if I recall that whole episode was her
complaining about that date non-stop. The first thing she says when she sees
him is “What are we doing?” She really wants to know so that she can start
*&@%#&$! And whining about it asap.
Back at the house Sharleen finally says it’s best if she leaves. I’m glad she finally said it out loud.
Juan Pablo is taking Nikki to go meet his parents. And his
daughter. And his ex. That’s probably the first time on the Bachelor that this
has happened. And he must be really oblivious and not care that much or be
super into Nikki and at this point it could most definitely be either of those.
I for one really couldn’t believe how pleasant his ex wife was. If that were me
I would not have let a woman who went on national television to “fall in love”
come. I also find it hilarious that Juan Pablo who was SO CONCERNED about what
his daughter will think, took the liberty of taking one of 6 remaining girls to
meet her but yet we know he will show up with a completely different girl in a
matter of about 2 weeks. But don’t worry that’s totally ah-septable.
They go to Marlins Park. His “office.” It kills me that he
calls it that but it really kills me that she is calling it that as well. I
think she forgot half of her dress at the hotel and I hope I’m not the only one
who caught Juan Pablo staring down the front of her dress more than once or
twice or ten times.
His favorite thing to say this episode is “What are you
thinking? Tell me.”
“When Juan Pablo planned this date for me, he hit a homerun”
Oh geez. Who came up with that one? And now she’s definitely in love with him.
I thought that was super sweet and polite for Sharleen to
tell the girls what was going on instead of just sneaking off to talk to Juan
Pablo. Clare cough cough. And this leads to the conversation with Juan Pabs
telling him she’s leaving. She knocks on his door and basically barges into his
room. It was awesome. She full on says that to be ready for marriage in three
weeks is insane and she’s not up for that. Way to go Sharleen. The first fully
sane person to be on The Bachelor. She should get a medal for that! And with
that Sharleen finally leaves. And Juan Pablo heads out to the balcony to get
that leaning over the balcony, crying, bachelor money shot.
Group date time
They get in a plane and head to a private beach. Of course,
Clare has to sit closest to Juan Pablo. I personally hope that she makes it to
the final two and he dumps her just so we can all watch the melt down of the
century.
Immediately the rose is there and all the girls start
freaking out. Chelsie feels that the most beneficial way to spend her one on
one time is to read him a stack letters. He definitely really wants to keep her
around now. Andi gets the next one on one time. She feels the most beneficial
way to spend her time is to break down and cry in hopes of getting the sympathy
rose. Think it will work? Well in the past 26 seasons this tactic has been
proven to work time and time again. Am I the only one that really does not like
Andi? I get the feeling that everyone likes her and wants her to be the next
Bachelorette if Juan Pabs doesn’t end up with her but I just don’t think I
could personally stand a whole season featuring her. Andi just loves how he
calms her down so much. Because, ya know, he didn’t say two words that could
possibly “calm her down”. Clare feels it’s most beneficial to get all emotional
about her dad and his video and basically tries the tug the heart string route
to get the rose. And the break down tactic works through and through… Andi gets
the rose. Which of course Clare thinks is totally not fair. Okay, where was
Renee on that date… I don’t recall seeing any one on one time with her. Maybe I
just totally missed it or she really didn’t get any air time.
Anyways Andi and Juan Pablo head to a place with some latin
music and get up on stage and dance. Which was more like them standing there
bending their knees. But Andi thinks he’s a really good dancer. Umm honey, he
suuuuuuuuucks.
Back at the hotel Clare can’t stop whining about how unfair
it is. Because she “really needs that reassurance” even though she had a one on
one date last week, got the very first one on one date, and had quite the rendezvous
at 4 AM with him. She’s probably had the most juan on juan time of any of the
girls. Clare gets mad because Nikki won’t sit there and listen to her cry so
she feels the need to chase Nikki and make her listen to her sob story. Quite
honestly as much as I dislike Nikki, I totally don’t blame her in this
situation. Clare gets mad when Nikki tries to get a word in edge wise. I about
died when Nikki asked Clare to leave and Clare says she doesn’t have to because
it’s everybody’s room, she’s not paying for the room, it’s “open space”, yada
yada yada. I totally think Nikki had a right to ask her to leave because yes,
they are sharing a suite, but that is Nikki’s personal room that she’s not
sharing with anybody else. I will say that I get the vibe that the other girls
don’t like Nikki but in this situation I personally think Clare is acting
crazy. But I’m telling you, Clare…. Bunjee jumping date…. Genius idea.
What did you guys think of this whole saga????? I’m dying to
know.
Best line of the whole episode?
“Clare is like a dog. She peed on him first. She claimed her
territory. She claimed some territory that might not be hers.”
Rose ceremony time and I personally think that our “Science
Educator” or Renee will be heading home.
10 seconds into the cocktail party Clare is already snapping
at Nikki.
Renee finally gets some one on one time that was shown…. For
about two seconds.
Some of the things that Nikki said in her interviews were
pretty shocking. I felt like we were in Courtney territory again. Apparently
Nikki and Clare are both beasts and well, you know what happens when you put
two Betas in the same bowl. Them sitting there together was probably more
awkward than your parents walking in during the only sex scene of the entire
movie.
I’m glad Juan Pablo got super dressed up for this rose
ceremony. What happened to the Bachelor being classy and wearing a suit and tie
for these things. Justin Timberlake would be disappointed because, “As long as
I got my suit and tie….”
Andi - rose
Nikki – rose
Clare – rose
Renee – rose
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