I've been debating if I wanted to put all this out here. But I've decided it's time to get real. If you don't like getting real, this post is not for you.
I've had weeks to comprehend the latest in my life. Weeks to see that "friends" aren't always friends. I've known this since high-school or earlier and you'd think I'd learn. I guess I like to assume the best in everyone, that people are different, that they're not all the same.
I've come to the conclusion that if people want to be in your life, they'll make an effort. Friendship is a two way street, it takes more than one person's effort. With that said, it becomes extremely obvious when people are just using you to their disposal and truly don't care about your friendship. It becomes obvious when they just want a relationship with you only for their benefit. It's so hurtful when you realize that this is the case... that they'll do anything for any of their other friends...buy them lunch, pay them back, a present for any little thing, a verbal thank you... and then when it comes to you, they just expect things from you and other than that, you may as well have gone out with yesterday's trash. The fact that some people are afraid of offending a past acquaintance but will do anything to their "best friend" because they're upset and mad they got caught doing something not so nice boggles me. People often hide from their actions thinking that if they don't acknowledge them, all will go away. It's the childhood mentality of covering your eyes and assuming "if I can't see you, you can't see me."
Part of growing up in life is being able to say you were wrong, to verbally apologize and acknowledge that you made a mistake. I know that this comes with maturity and that all people may not be there whether they are 10 or 35. There comes a point in life when you do need to grow up and take responsibility for your actions good and bad. When we choose not to grow up we're in for a world of wake up calls.
With that being said, I am an extremely true believer in the statement that everything happens for a reason. When I think about this it makes my life ten times more incredible and makes me realize that I have everything I could ever need and while finding out some people are not meant to be in your life may not be ideal, everything we go through is a learning experience.
So with that I'm saying goodbye to 309. My time here is done. It's been a learning experience and something I will always value. It holds many memories and was my first opportunity to live on my own, away from the dorms. While things here might have ended how I never imagined them, I'll say it again, I believe everything happens for a reason. That when things happen it's truly where God wants me to be. It seems that when events in life happen it's an opportunity for a fresh start, which is just what I personally needed.
I'm all moved into my new place and I couldn't be more thrilled. It's everything and more than I imagined it could be.
It's quiet, small, relaxing, clean, a sanctuary, and best of all it's mine.
It's refreshing to come home to a house rather than an apartment building. It's nice to come home to a place that will be just as I left it and I won't be walking into any surprises. It's nice to know that dirty dishes won't be on the stove or in the sink for weeks at a time. It's nice to know that when orange nail polish gets on my furniture it will be my own fault and not have somehow magically appeared while I was away.
If you've made it through this whole post, bless your heart. I know it was long and in my opinion it was me getting real. That's what blogging is supposed to be all about anyways, right? Wrapping up this post I'll just say that I completely trust that I am where I am supposed to be in my life. I'm happy with who I am and the values that I have chosen to incorporate into my life. I'm grateful for the people that are real and the people who value friendship. I'm grateful for the amazing circumstances that I am so blessed to have and the amazing people I have already met at my new place.
If there is one thing I can beg you all to do it is to be nice. Be careful how you treat those you really care about and be careful with the words you choose and who you say them to. You never know who will be in the next room over hearing those things.
Here's to the good times, here's to the new times!
