Doomsday Trailer Races

Redneck: [red-nek] noun. "The glorious absence of sophistication." 

Labor Day. West Valley, Utah. 
My family debated and debated how we should spend our glorious day off. Golfing? Nah. Movie? No. Hiking? Maybe. Swimming? Possible. 
But nah, those were too normal, too "East Side" if you will. So what did we decide? 
We decided to hit up the hippest thing in West Valley.
 Rocky Mountain Raceway. 
The event title? "Doomsday of Destruction" 
If that doesn't sound serious I don't know what does. 

The main event was "Trailer Races" -- let me explain. Each driver has a vehicle pulling a trailer. They must "race" in a figure 8 pattern. And if anything is in your way, you simply pulverize it by driving full force at it. It is basically a demolition derby on steroids. 

Don't know what a demolition derby is? You're missing out! 
Let's let Urban Dictionary help us out... 
1) When a bunch of rednecks ram each other to death.
2) A bunch of hicks slamming into each other in a small county to show their honeys they're tough. 
3) A bunch of poor white trash who can't sell their cars for squat so they enter them in to try to win a cash prize and lose more of their brain cells than they already barely have. 

Now the definition from dictionary.com yes, there is a formal definition. 
1) A contest in which drivers deliberately and repeatedly crash old cars into each other, on a racetrack or in an enclosed area, with the winer being the last vehicle still moving after all others have been disabled. 

My favorite words used here? Deliberately and disabled. 

A typical demolition derby. 
Enough rambling. Let's get to the evidence of our redneck night (because as we all know in Blog Land... If you don't have pictures... it didn't happen. And because really? A post without pictures is a rambling that no one cares to read. Put that ludicrousness in your diary and lock it up where it belongs.) 


You might be a redneck if you've totaled every car you own.

You might be a redneck if the taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.

You might be a redneck if people hear your car a long time before they can see it.

You might be a redneck if you go to a stock car race and don't need a program.
(Did I mention there was stock car racing before this trailer nonsense?)

You might be a redneck if the primary color of your car is Bondo.

You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

You might be a redneck if your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.

You might be a redneck if you've spent more money and time on your pickup truck than your education.

You might be a redneck if your mom gives you tips on how to sneak beer into a sports event.

You might be a redneck if you think that the last words of The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines!"

Boom Baby! It ain't over till the rednecks are tired! 

1 comment:

  1. This is hilarious!! You are amazing at writing!! Every word is the truth too. But it was a really fun night!! HAHAHA