16 Life Lessons Learned From The Bachelor

Well look who finally made it back to her blog. Nice of me to show up, right?  To say this summer has been crazy and hectic is an understatement. I think this is the first time in weeks that I have been home longer than 3 days. 

Anyways, we all know that The Bachelor/Bachelorette is a regular topic on this here blog so I figured why not acknowledge all the wonderful things it has taught us through the many seasons. Here we go...

16. Always bring your grandma on your first date 

15. Facial impressions are crucial 

14. Always be yourself 

even if that means wearing a mask the whole time, or a tiara, or being naked, or having vampire fangs

13. Saying "stahhhp" is a flirty way to say don't stop

12. When in doubt cry. Always be in doubt. 

11. The most hated girl will always win

10. When it doesn't work out, keep coming back 

9. It is acceptable to get engaged after 4 weeks of non-exclusive dating

8. If you can't be their favorite one, be the crazy one. 

7. Never show up empty handed 

6. Repeatedly saying it's okay, will in fact make everything okay 

5. First impressions are crucial 

4. Always expose your troubling memories, life experiences, and your past 7 divorces on the first date

3. Never have a normal occupation 

2. If you're innocent, run away

1. To prove your love... always get a tattoo

Hey Andi, Romeo & Juliet Killed Themselves

This week The Bachelorette ordered extra cheese on their opening scenes. Andi in a gondola, the boys hanging out and pondering on an old time boat, a low camera angle as Andi is walking through town, and a shot of her on a Romeo and Juliet esque balcony. Cause we all stand and ponder in public places on the daily.

When we first see Andi was I the only one who noticed that she got her hair did? It looked like they were attempting the ever so popular ombre look but it was a crash and burn probably brought to us by the Suave hair care professionals. It basically looked like she used a bad store brand dye that went horribly wrong and didn’t fade to her roots like the ombre is typically supposed too…. Did I really just go off on hair for a whole paragraph? My apologies. Back to the point… or back to me wasting my time writing about a television show that will in no way benefit me or alter the history of the world…

She announces that one date will start right then… I think they thought it would add drama but all it did was spare us a cheesy saying on a date card. Josh thought he would get the date card because two one on one dates in a row happens every season, right?

Well Nick gets the date and off they go. And what lesson did we all just learn? I think it goes something like “the squeaky wheel gets the grease.” 

Before we get to their date can we please just take a moment and talk about the outfit choices of the guys? Chris’ pink shorts, Josh’s neon green shirt, and Marcus’ extremely red jacket… apparently they're going to go hit up 80’s night and the local pizzeria while Nick tries his best to convince Andi he’s not really a total douche. 

They get on a gondola and go for a ride to advertise for Venice’s public transportation that nobody knows about. Nick says he’s going to try not to be “salty” (Andi’s favorite adjective for him last week). So to show her this he chose some excellent body language, you know, crossed arms, crossed legs, very inviting and reassuring. The boat was pretty lopsided; Nick’s ego obviously was weighing his side of the boat down. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want that gondola to tip over and dump them in the waters of Venice AKA their sewer system.

They casually float by a wedding… doesn’t it seem they always happen to just “randomly” run into weddings all the time on this show? There is nothing “real” about this “reality” tv show.

They figure to keep with the theme of an extremely sanitary date, i.e. floating down the sewer, they should go let the dirtiest birds known to all of man, also known as flying rats, also known as pigeons, climb all over them. Yummy.

They then head to go pick out masks to wear to dinner. Andi has him try on a solid black one… but wait? Didn’t that already get burned and thrown in the fire when Jeff got eliminated on Ashley’s season?

Onto the dinner portion…

Andi floats up in a gondola holding up a mask about as awkwardly as she holds the roses at the rose ceremony (anyone noticed that?). Andi thinks Nick looks like a prince in his tux. I think he looks like a pubescent boy awkwardly standing at his first prom. And it didn’t help when he says Cody hurt his feelings. I think it’s clear that Nick is the deemed “villan” this season… or at least the one that the guys dislike the most.

He tells her he’s falling in love and that’s all Andi ever needs to hear. He gets the rose and they go to a “masquerade ball” And Andi awkwardly holds her mask up. The. Whole. Time. She makes a big deal about him putting the mask on and then rips it off ten seconds later. Her dress was so awkward and big so they obviously couldn’t go more than 20 feet away from the dinner table and so they dance and make out in front of an audience of 5.

Group date

Apparently they were all told to wear blue/navyblue/tan/white. JJ is the only one wearing something a little different but that’s all we could expect from the pantsepaneur.

They tie a Unicorn balloon on her so they won’t lose her like a small child. I’m sure they also put an “if lost, please return to Chris Harrison Nick” tag on her as well. They go to a medieval castle to take a lie detector test. Because I don’t know about you guys but that’s the very first thing that pops into my head when I think Italy. Italians…. Lie detector tests. It’s like PB&J, right?

Josh starts trying to figure out how accurate the machines are so he can calculate just how much of his douchbaggery he can hide from her. It was pretty entertaining to watch him have a melt down about it.

Is your name josh? Yes

Have you ever cheated on a test? Yes

Are you here for the right reasons? Yes

Are you falling in love with Andi? Yes

And because you were all wondering….

Jj is good in bed and

Dylan doesn’t wash his hands

So naturally, the next shot shows her and Dylan holding hands walking. Hahaha. Dylan says he wasn’t feeling good and goes back to the hotel but we can all tell that he really isn’t sick and the only thing he really has is a guaranteed ticket back to the states.  

Andi says that trust is the most important thing in a relationship so naturally the way she shows this is by not trusting them and making them prove their honesty through a dramatic test.

3 told no lies

1 told 2 lies

and 2 told 3 lies

of course lies should be more like “lies” because how accurate are those things anyways?

Andi gets their “results” and they make the whole situation even more dramatic by having her rip up the papers… that probably leads to better ratings, right?

The guys sit around and talk about who the “Secret admirer” is and at this point we know it is Chris. Chris is so awkward that I don’t know how the guys missed it. The only thing he can manage to awkwardly get out of his mouth during this conversation is “what the hell?” and the guys still don’t suspect a thing.

Josh and Andi have their one on one time and Josh says he is glad that she ripped up the papers because that’s not a good way to build trust and he prefers to trust people without that stuff. Andi immediately assumes that he’s lying and isn’t being honest…. Rushing to conclusions much? It was almost like a rerun of what happened with Eric and I honestly started thinking that that would be the end of Josh. Of course, Andi starts balling and whining about it and playing the victim card like she does.

Chris steals her away next… in the most awkward way possible. He tells her he’s the “secret admirer” but then again who else would it have been?

Josh obviously wouldn’t do that from his comments earlier.

JJ is too quirky.

Cody couldn’t hold a pencil to write because his huge arms would just snap the pencil in half.

Brian coaches basketball… he isn’t in charge of the poetry society, those notes aren’t from him.

I guess it potentially could have been Marcus but eh.

Dylan didn’t care enough to stay on the date let alone sit around and write letters during the hours he’s locked up in a hotel.  

Nick is too insensitive and the only love letters he’s writing are to himself.

Which leaves quiet, cute, awkward Chris… the perfect formula for a love writing farm hand from Iowa. And that earned him the group date rose.

Cody finally gets his well-deserved one on one date… He’s one of the most laid back, patient, optimistic guys left. They head to Juliet’s courtyard, play tourists, and then head to Club De Giuelietta and respond to letters of people pleading for help in their love lives. Because the best people to give advice about love are people who resort to a television show to find their one and only “true love”.

They head to dinner… when they showed Andi was I the only one who thought she was wearing an extremely short white dress? Well turns out they were just tan pants. Not a very good ensemble choice for a televised production. Cody reads his own letter that he wrote. He goes off and keeps talking and it’s clear that Andi is not into him. Unfortunately he doesn’t see the obvious signs so he keeps going. She starts freaking out (as per ushe) and to sum it up, she sends him packing. I was disappointed to see him leave. I knew they wouldn’t end up together but he had a good personality, was super optimistic, was grateful for every group date he got, and overall I thought he was a standout guy.

Andi says she doesn’t want to be the cause of anyone’s pain…. So hey Andi, can you please explain the Juan Pablo blow up, and screaming at Eric, and Cody, and most of all please explain why you chose to date 25 guys at once if you don’t want to be the “cause of anyone’s pain”.

Rose Ceremony

Andi walks into the cocktail party and before Andi even says hello to anybody, Nick throws a glass of wine at her and steals her away. When a guy throws a drink at a girl that fast all I can think is date rape drug! Date rape drug!

But all Andi thinks is…

“That is a man, that is a man right there” 

No honey, that is an immature, arrogant, jerk of a guy, with raging hormones because you’re the only one he’s messed around with in two months and he just wants to get some.

In the end it was JJ who got sent packing. Andi tries to make it better by saying “JJ” the way she said it on their old couple date. They go outside and talk Andi rambles. And with that he left.

With JJ gone the boys that are left have some pretty big pants to fill! ;)

Will The Real Andi Dorfman Please Stand Up: Bachelorette Week 4 Recap

Yes, this recap is much later than I would have preferred, but Bachelorette two nights in a row? I think we're all ready for rehab now. I am Bacheloretted out and it's the third week of airing. Today was also an especially sunny day in bloggerland and I spent a good chunk of the day reading through tons of your awesome posts! So thanks for that!
I'd also be lying if I said I wasn't putting it off because of the whole Andi and Eric situation. I have so much I want to say about the whole thing but I don't know how well I'll actually be able to articulate it.

Week 4

The "world traveling" continues and they end up in Connecticut. But it sounds classier if we only say "New England" so New England it is. Chris is super excited to be there because well, it's the second place outside the cornfield he's traveled to. The last time he was this excited was when his new John Deere tractor got dropped off at the farm.

Dylan gets the first date.

Can you see the excitement?

They head to a train station and she tells him that for their date he will be shoveling coal while she stands there and watches. The rest of the date wasn't much better than this. They take a super awkward train ride, which I'm assuming was even more awkward than what we were shown. Dinner wasn't much better and the whole date was depressing at best. Andi tells him that she doesn't want him to think that the rose was a "pity rose" but if we're being honest, we all know that that, unfortunately, was exactly what it was. She makes up for it by taking him to do one last "special" thing. And you know what it was? Toot. Toot. They got to make the train talk. Every 3 year old's dream.

Group Date

The boys are heading to play basketball. The WNBA had their highest viewership ever that night. Josh knew a little too much about each of the girls and convinced many viewers that he had pulled an Andrew and scored some digits. JJ finally realized what this game show is all about and figured that on a group date it would be best if he labeled himself with his name.

The boys get slaughtered by the girls and then they play each other where the team with the basketball coach wins (shocker!).

Marquel sheds some insight on their winning ways "We wake up in the morning and just breathe excellence. They can go back to the hotel and eat cereal, or whatever losers eat."

If eating cereal makes me a loser, well then, I'm okay with that, because this girl loves me some Resses Puffs.

Naturally ABC had the cereal eaters losers sit and look all defeated and pissed off and gave the winning team a bottle of champagne to celebrate with. Of course this came with the stipulation that they must pop it in the locker room showers.

The after party was relatively normal. I am no stranger when it comes to the rumor mill of The Bachelorette and so I knew Eric left this episode and I knew he left in circumstances other than a rose ceremony. I was bracing myself. When they talked though all she told him was that she thought he wasn't opening up. Bull. Freaking. Crap. We know more about him by episode 4 than we do about... well shall we name them? Marquel, Andrew, Tasos, Patrick, Cody, need me to continue? So, to make her happy, he continues to pour out his heart and tell her tons of personal stuff.

Brian takes Andi back to the basketball court and makes a half court shot, which basically pushes Andi over the edge and she just wants him to kiss her. Because he has opened up so much and she knows so much about him (more than Eric obviously!). Brian has been thinking telling the producers he thinks that kissing her is the next step. Doesn't happen. Apparently Brian left all his balls on the court.

Marcus gets the next one on one date

They figured they would do something revolutionary and something they haven't done in the previous 27 seasons of this show. They're going to go repelling off the side of an extremely tall building. And let me sum up the next twenty minutes of the show. Andi freaks out and won't go but of course just as the 50 people before her on the show, she eventually goes. ABC thinks they're really clever and set it up so they repel down right in front of the guys' suite. Because the building wasn't very wide and it was the only place repelling would work.

Marcus, "Want to kiss in front of them?"
Andi, "No."

They go to dinner and Marcus puts his napkin over the rose but he forgot he's not a magician and it doesn't disappear. Since it didn't disappear Andi figured she had no choice but to give it to him. They then go and watch some no name country singer. Marcus basically tells her he loves her even though, you know, it's their first date. NBD. Totally realistic.

The next day Andi gets a "love letter" From someone anonymous and as she's reading it they fade to a clip of someone writing. Really? I think we've reached a whole new level of lame.

Let's get to the meat of this episode. The cocktail party.

Eric comes to get Andi and they head over to talk by the bar. Eric tells her that he's thought about it and he feels that he has been really open with her and he feels it's the opposite, that she hasn't been the one to open up. He says that he came on the show to meet a person and not a tv actress (Go Eric! Woo woo!). He tells her that he sees two sides of her and she is wearing a poker face most of the time.

Andi doesn't even take time to process what he's saying and instantly blows up. We're talking Diet Coke and Mentos here people. She says that all he is doing is standing there insulting her and when he goes to respond she won't even let him get a word in so he stands there and listens to her continue to rant.

Andi - If you say the word acting one more time I'm going to lose it.

Honey, all of America is going to lose it if you say "stop" one more time. Oh and PS you already lost it long ago.

Eric flat out tells her that she took what he said a little heavy.
Andi rebutted with a "thank you for your time"
Eric's response (which I thought couldn't have been better) "same."

And with that he left.

It cuts to Chris explaining how Eric tragically died. Andi is there to talk about the whole thing as well. She says that he wasn't as open with her and there was more openness with other people. She thought their relationship had stalled. Chris calls him a "central figure" in the season and Andi responds by saying that "We remember him, he was a part of this."

Now here's my two cents on this whole situation, all humor and joking aside.

First off.. people are saying that Andi is being blamed for Eric's death. That is ridiculous. It was not her fault he died. She wasn't involved in his death in anyway. However, she let him walk out that door in a pretty s*#&@* circumstance and I think she should feel like an absolute fool for letting that be the last conversation that she had with someone as incredible as Eric. She should be absolutely embarrassed.

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that no relationship should be compared to another. Each one is so different that it's entirely unrealistic and unfair to all parties involved if you compare it. Andi obviously hasn't learned this. She wanted Eric to be more open with her and that's exactly what he was. He was honest with her, he wasn't looking for a fight. He was telling her that he wanted her to be more open in return and she flipped out. Eric was trying to be real on a "reality" tv show and got kicked off immediately for it.

I can't help but think back to her flip out on Juan Pablo. That kind of seemed out of no where and ridiculously blown out of proportion too. We all just assumed something happened in the fantasy suite that we didn't know about and everybody seemed to rave about her "standing up for herself". But think about it... wasn't the flip out at Juan Pablo and the flip out at Eric oddly similar? She likes to be controlling and all the puzzle pieces are falling into place and we can finally see this side of her.

She saw that Eric was real and he wasn't going to be like the rest of the guys and stand around and kiss her ass in hopes of "winning" in the end and as soon as she realized this she made him leave. In my opinion she continued to look like a real brat during that ending scene with Chris Harrison. She didn't have one nice thing to say about him. She said that he was a part of the show and chalked his death up to the fact that he won't be at the Men Tell All. I thought that during this segment my feelings about how Andi handled the situation would be changed but in the end it only made me dislike her more. She came off as cold, unconcerned, and mean.

In my eyes, Eric Hill was an amazing person (not to mention drop dead gorgeous). I did not know him personally but from what I have seen he lived an incredible life. He was probably one of the most interesting people to be on The Bachelorette/Bachelor but he is much more than a reality tv star. He seemed to be caring, genuine, real, and honest, which is more than I can say about Andi at the current moment. It's so sad to see someone who took advantage of life and loved it so much to be taken in such a tragic accident. He was probably one of my top 5 guys to have been on the Bachelorette and he definitely stood out from the crowd. He will not be forgotten. Living in Utah myself I can say that every time I am near the "point-of-the-mountain" (where the accident happened) I will always think of him.

What did you guys think about this whole situation? I'd love to hear from you. 

gowitheric.com

livelikeeric.com

Bachelorette: Week 3 Recap

So nothing too exciting happened during the dates this week, so let’s just bust this out. Shall we?

Nick get’s the first one on one date.  “Let’s ride off into the sunset.” When he meets up with Andi she seems to be about as excited as she would be about going to the dentist. They go bike riding, with helmets because ABC is liable. Their bike ride included biking around a park, around the beach, and of course across the grass, cause everyone does that. They stop by the ocean and the next shot we can see Andi standing there, arms crossed. Arms crossed usually isn’t a good sign. They head up to Lizard’s Mouth and of course they rode the whole way to the top of the mountain… except we can all be sure that that was just staged for a shot. I doubt they rode the whole way up.  Nick tells Andi that he has a crush on her and then they climb around the rocks for a little bit… someone should tell Andi that if she put her drink down it would probably be a lot easier.

Then we’re so pleased to get a behind the scenes clip with Bachelorette Salon Chair Confidentials brought to you by Suave. They’re not staged or awkward at all and I don’t know about you, but it definitely makes me want to run to the drug store and snatch that $.99 shampoo up.

Nick and Andi head to dinner at the courthouse. Because Andi misses her job so much and she figures why not reminisce about it at the Santa Barbara courthouse. Andi wants to know how Nick is still single. Well, he was engaged for like a minute because he thought he was a lot cooler than he was… just a friendly reminder that this is coming from the dude with the popped collar.

And alas, he gets a rose.

Back at the house Andrew says, “One thing we haven’t seen yet is someone come back from a one on one without a rose.” Gee Andrew… That couldn’t be because there’s only been 2 one on one dates could it? Or the fact that this is only the second week of actual dates?

Marcus is pissed he got a group date. He would rather have a one on one or no date at all. It’s safe to say that Marcus is definitely the most invested one thus far, which can only mean one thing… he won’t be the last one standing.

Group date – They’re going to be singing with Boys II Men. Marquel seemed to be the only one to recognize them. But then Eric did inform us that he grabbed some butt to that song back in 7^th grade so he obviously knew who they were too.

Let’s do this next part bullet point style

• Okay can someone please make a gif of josh singing opera making fun of Bradley? He reminded me of Gaston when he was doing that if we’re being totally honest. It was probably the highlight of the whole episode.
• Cody got kicked out of choir in 7^th grade
• Josh’s singing is deemed “special”
• And marcus’ voice sounds like a chicken being strangled – description courtesy of Eric
• Then we see an interview with Ron. Ron? Who is Ron? I don’t recall a Ron.
• Marquel is going to make some tea with honey and get his voice ready to go
• Andi’s singing is about as good as her dancing and snowboarding.  Add that to the list of reasons why all these guys think she’s the “total package”
• Chris Harrison introduces Boys II Men so it’s no secret that The Bachelorette will be involved somehow. Geez Chris, way to give it away.
•  Marquel says this performance is going to separate the boys from the men… oh fancy that another comparing the date to the whole bachelor experience.
• Then we have 2 minutes of them butchering the song and making America’s ears bleed. (Just ask the little girl in the audience who looked like she was in immense pain).

• Josh forgets the words and flat out admits it while he’s singing. Andrew thinks this was super cute and figures if he copies Josh, Andi will like him just as much.
• Then, naturally, Andi was so good at singing that she didn’t even end up singing her part for fear that Ryan Seacrest would try to recruit her to go to Hollywood with his show falling apart at the seams and all.

Date after party

Aw cody and Andi match. Think they planned that? And because he was channeling his inner Andi he gets the first one on one time. But really it’s just a trap to confront him about his “girlfriend” … it was pretty funny because can we please just imagine Des or Emily doing that? Ya, that’d never happen. Too much stimulation for the two of them boring folk. Oh and ABC, way to play that up! But wouldn’t it have been hilarious if he really did have a girlfriend and totally broke down and confessed? One of these seasons that will actually happen and until then, I can’t wait.

She gets her one on one time with Marcus and of course she delves on into the script that she has for when she talks to him, “You’re always in the background. On the back row. But I notice you.” Blah blah blah, you know what I’m talking about.

Here’s another thing that gets me… she really likes Josh, I don’t think that’s any secret. So during their one on one time he tried to woo her with his manly manners and didn’t offer her his jacket or that fancy little fleece piece around his neck. She obvs didn’t mind and gave him the group date rose.

Marcus sulks in his drama again saying how it wasn’t fair that he didn’t get that group date rose and how he really put himself out there. Apparently he forgot that 10 other guys also did exactly that.

JJ gets the second one on one date of the episode. #pantsapreneur

They spend half their date in makeup chairs getting all dolled up as an old couple. Andi barely looked different. It just looked like she had a bad run in with some foundation and threw a wig on. JJ on the other hand was definitely looking different. I’m sure one day we’ll see Chris Harrison looking like that because let’s face it, there is no end to this show in sight.

They walk around and ask random people to take their picture, they go play at the play ground, and play some football. Does anybody else feel like this is starting to look like an episode of Betty White’s Off Their Rockers? They even went as far as changing their voices to sound “older” but in all reality Andi just ended up sounding like Terrie Hall… you know… that lady in the smoking commercial with the hole in her throat.

Back at the house Ron leaves but his excuse and exit is weak at best. It wasn’t super believable and I’m curious to know what really happened. Andi was obviously super heartbroken and barely even mentioned it at the rose ceremony.

Back on the date JJ realizes his only chance of kissing her is just to flat out ask her. Constantly. I think this happened about 3 times, which is 3 times too many.

Just like Benjamin button they magically age backwards and head to dinner. When all is said and done, JJ gets a rose.

The next night at the cocktail party and rose ceremony was interesting. There were 2 major things that went down.

The first…. During her one on one time with Eric a huge flower arrangement walks in and she’s asked to sign for it. Because you know, production didn’t intervene at all like they did with Chris Bukowski so she had to okay it.

Eric immediately says “I wish I was responsible for these”

Does he make anyone else’s heart melt?

Andi, being the classy lady that she is, decides the best time to read the attached note novel was right there in front of Eric. That had to have been the most awkward situation for Eric. The worst part is that during their one on one time you can tell she is just not into him, which I will never understand.

The flowers are from Nick. Naturally, as soon as she reads the note, she ditches Eric and heads to find Nick to suck face with him for the next hour, even though he already had a rose.

The second major event was the fact that Andrew managed to get some girls number when the guys were out at dinner… This has to be a new one because if I recall they are usually strictly locked up in the mansion and not allowed to go anywhere. But hey, if it adds more drama, ABC is all over it. JJ and Josh feel they should take matters into their own hands and go talk to Andrew. Well Andrew wasn’t guilty at all, which was why he ran away like a little girl. Andrew still managed to get a rose and something tells me we haven’t seen or heard the last of the phone number saga.

Ron had already eliminated himself so at the rose ceremony Andi let Brett and Bradley go.

And that was that.

Also, who is Dylan!? I’m pretty sure he’s gotten zero air time and the first time I actually noticed him was at this rose ceremony.

So far I think the guys she likes the most are

-       Josh M.

-       Nick

-       Marcus

-       JJ

    

     Who do you guys think the front runners are? 

An Explorer, a Drunk, and a Farmer

So here's this weeks Bachelorette recap. I honestly wasn't going to write one but the more I payed attention to it the more I realized I just couldn't keep my mouth shut. So sorry it's later than normal but alas, it's here 

The show started with the obligatory getting ready clip and then Andi staring out into…. The driveway? 

Chris goes to talk to the guys … what do you think of the house? Hoots and hollers. What do you think of Andi… dead silence and one rather loud “hot”

We get the usual schpeel from Chris. 2 one on one dates and 1 group date… if you don’t get a rose this week you will be going home yada yada yada.

Eric, our good ol’ Utah friend, got the first one on one date. I must say that I adore him and if I didn’t know about the accident I would be pulling for him to stay till the end. He seems pretty genuine and humble. Not to mention he is one of the most attractive men they picked for this season. (Is it just me or are the guys kind of sub par compared to previous seasons?)

She picks him up and they're off! 

“We camped with the witch doctor…”   “Stop!”   (Stop count:1)

They head to the beach and play around and then a helicopter picks them up and takes them to the mountains. 

Eric says this is the coolest thing ever but I think from what we know about him now and how much he traveled and everything he saw and did, that that was a complete lie sponsored by the one and only Bachlorette franchise.

We see a snowboarder coming down the mountain and am I the only one that was expecting Jesse Csincsak? You know… the guy Deanna Pappas chose? But it wasn’t. It was just some dude that probably got closer to Andi than Eric did the entire date.  We watch Andi attempt to snowboard but really it just turns into a hour of her cursing and falling on her butt. Of course Eric knows his stuff and has already mastered snowboarding so he was probably bored out of his gourd watching her try.

They head to dinner and I don’t know if it was the way they edited it (because of his passing) or what, but they actually showed a good amount of actual conversation that had depth to it. Along with that they spared us the cheesy background romance music during their conversation.

“my dad actually hitch hiked around the United States…”    “Stop”   (Stop count: 2)

On a more serious note when he talked about going to Syria it really made me want to cry. To survive all that and traveling all over the world and then to have a tragic accident in Draper, Utah of all places, I just don’t think it’s fair.

Back at the house the date card arrives and I’m pretty sure when Ryan’s name gets called first he thinks he’s got a one on one because I don’t think I’ve heard anyone in 28 seasons yell that loud for a date with 13 other guys. And of course, we can see Craig with a beer in his hand. And of course he’s excited to get naked.

Back to Eric and Andi

“my younger brother, married, 3 kids.”   “Stop”   (Stop count: 3)

He gets the rose and they roast marshmallows (my kind of date!) And he doesn’t suck face with her.... at least that we know of. I’m sure they were really careful with his editing specifically just to be respectful. 

“So when I was in Guatamala, we roasted marshmallows over a volcano….”  “Stop.” (stop count: 4)

Next up the most awkward and embarrassing group date ever. I think I’ll try not to sum it up too much, just key points.

And as you can probably guess Craig will be a major player in this discussion.

Craig is nervous and he’s excited to see Andi and he really “hopes that she sees me in a good light today.” HA! keep dreamin! “I hope she loves me! I love her!”

Am I the only one who thinks that Craig seems a little gay? I think he might be there for the men more than Andi.

Craig:

“Josh is a STUD!”

“I’m not gonna look as sexy as him but maybe I got a couple more moves, I don’t know, probably not that either.”

“He’s got the whole package.”

Oh and in case you’re wondering, Brian is going to church tomorrow. If church is considered being locked up in the Bachelor mansion watching Craig drool over other guys, then yes. Yes, he is going to church tomorrow.

Sharleen and Kelly show up and do basically… nothing. We don’t see them talk; they don’t discuss the men in depth, no interviews, nothing. I’m not sure why they were there. All I can say is Sharleen, now is your chance to grab that opera singer guy and head for the hills. Because let’s be honest... we know Andi won’t end up with him so he’s all yours babe.

Craig, “I don’t care about taking my shirt off, but I do care about taking it off next to Josh. He’s incredible!

Sharleen looks mortified. Her and the rest of America.

Patrick says that he will probably have posttraumatic stress disorder after this. Him and anyone else watching this episode.We’re just making all sorts of people uncomfortable, the guys, sharleen, me, “Bachelor Nation”, my cat. But not Craig. Did anybody else notice the girls in the audience with X’s on the back of their hands? I did. Made me laugh. If you're not old enough to drink I'm not sure you should be watching this date either. 

As if Andi’s blue shirt from the earlier portion of the date wasn’t revealing enough, she decides to parade her assets around a little more during the after party with a diving neck line. 

Craig just can't wait to get the party started... “Can we have a cheers so I can have a drink of this?”

Pretty soon the Bachelor franchise is going to have their own rendition of Celebrity Rehab.

Craig, “Josh is a stud dude! Like I love Josh’s face so much now! I had the most horrible body on stage for sure, so when we ripped our shirts off and I was like Josh, I just want to kill your face.”

Talk about drunk to the umpteenth power

The other date card arrives back at the house and Chris gets the second one on one. Chris says to Eric, “I could kiss you right now.” Man what is up with these guys this season!?!?!

Back on the date the opera singer serenades Andi as she sits there and tries her best not look 100% uncomfortable. Craig decides to go find Andi and “find out what she is.” Andi jokingly tells Craig that he’s her favorite but he didn’t hear the “kind of” she said after that and he just thinks she is 1000% serious. Craig tries to interrupt another dude’s one on one time and instead he gets diverted to the pool. Does anyone know who else jumped in with him? Because I can’t for the life of me figure out who it was. Craig has basically passed the Ed Swiderski drunk level. Anyone remember him on Bachelor Pad? Basically the big bad producers had to step in and tame the wild beast that was Craig. 

Andi gets all mad and upset and takes it out on the sober guys because you know, if anyone needs a lecture about not drinking too much it's the 13 still with it guys right in front of her. In my opinion she made more of it than necessary, if it were me I would’ve just told the producers to make him leave.

In the end Marcus gets the group date rose. End scene.

Chris’s date is up next and he shows up in a casual t-shirt, shorts, and flip flops. Obviously producers didn’t tell him what to wear. Andi makes him feel better by saying something along the lines of “wow, you’re underdressed” She then offered him many outfit choices and he came out in a gray suit, pinkish shirt, and bow tie. Oh and probably a farmers tan. If you looked at them compared to the other people at the track they were extremely overdressed.

They go and watch some races and while they are sitting there sipping on mint juleps, an old couple casually asks them how long they’ve been together. It wasn’t staged. At. All. Just you know, a totally casual conversation. 

“Nine just won!”   “Stop it.”  (Stop count: 5)

At dinner....

“There’s no way I’m getting a one on one, the odds don’t look good.”   “Stop.”  (Stop count: 6)

Chris gets the rose and they go and have a private concert by yet another group that no one has heard of. You think that with how big the Bachelor franchise has gotten that they could afford a name that people have heard of before. So they step up into a little roped off area just to keep them contained so they don’t maul the band, because you know they’re their biggest fans and we don’t want to risk the band’s safety.

Cocktail party time and Andi is yet again wearing a dress with a diving neck line. Josh stared at her boobs for a good 5 seconds before he looked at her face when she walked in. Don't believe me? Go back and watch. You'll laugh. 

In their one on one time Andi tells Josh, “You’re rambling”  and he says “alright, stop. Stop it.” Later when he’s about to kiss her he says, “stop, you’re killing me right now.” (Josh’s stop count: 3) Match made in heaven. If we base things off of this “stop” crap, she will pick Josh.

Then we watch Craig attempt to make a comeback but he was clearly still suffering from a hangover 3 days later and the best he could come up with was,

“I messed up last night. I had too much firefly. I bared my junk to 13 other guys but I hope and pray that it’s alright. Oh Andi, please let me stay.”

Needless to say, he got sent home.  

I find it so ironic that Andi was the one who got after Juan Pabs for saying, "es okay" so much but she says, "Staaaaahpp" "Stop." "Stop!" "Stop it." Every thirty seconds. At least when I was watching Juan Pabs I didn't notice that he said es okay so much until close to the end of the season. It's Andi's second week and this stop nonsense is out of control. Seriously Andi, stop. 

Do you guys have favorites yet? Sad to say but my front runner would be Eric. 

PS Did anyone else see Andi's dress at the rose ceremony .... 

and instantly think of the HIMYM episode when Barney gets a diamond suit? 

I did.