Traveling is an Interesting Thing

I always have the most interesting experiences when I travel. Remember this post? And then there was that time that I basically became a travel guide for an old woman traveling by herself and was scared to death to fly. Oh, also, she didn't speak an ounce of english and I can barely speak one language... so that was fun. Then there was that time I went to Italy and the old fat guy next to me bought a drink for the lady behind him trying to pick her up even though he clearly had a wedding ring stuck on his fat left hand. But anyways my last flight was no different.

I walked in the door and waited through a pretty long line. But Mr. flourescent pink shirt decided that he was above waiting in line and pulled his luggage all the way through and busted up to the kiosk. He was obviously very important.

Then there was the couple who had 2 extremely large suitcases that were over 50 pounds so instead of paying the extra they decided the best option would be to unload each suitcase all over the floor and repack until each one weighed less than 50.

When it was my turn to check in all went fairly smoothly. And then the lady slapped a "heavy" tag on my suitcase? Excuse me? My bag was like 30 lbs... they only put those on when the bag is over 50.

Then I was waiting in line to board... I got A18 people!!! That's like the first on the plane. Boo-yah! Anywho, while I'm standing there a younger mom with a newish baby comes busting up to the line and in a not too nice tone declares, "excuse me! Can't I just walk through here!?!" Well geez lady, be my guest because it obviously sounds like you have a hard life so hopefully you'll have a better day.

I get my seat on the plane and watch the poor souls numbering from A19 to C30 find their seats, desperately avoiding that black hole of a middle seat. I see the uptight mom heading my way. As soon as I saw her I knew I was lucky enough to be the dreaded chosen one in which she'd park it next to. She throws her overpriced Petunia Pickled Bottom diaper bag and struggles to eventually shove it under the seat.

This is the best part. She passes the baby off to her husband and whips out a Cafe Rio burrito and starts chowing down. Okay A) it was like 10 in the morning, which if you ask me is much too early for a Cafe Rio burrito. B) You devoured that burrito faster than I have ever seen anyone eat Cafe Rio.

Then there was the free back massage I wasn't aware was included in my ticket price. Apparently they installed 2 year old toddlers in the back of some seats that kindly kick your seat the entire flight. So much so that this here introvert was unbuckling her seatbelt about to stand up and discuss in a strong tone the actions of that lady's first born when the flight attendant walked by and mouthed to me that she would come take care of it. Now, I have nieces and a nephew. I'm extremely patient and understanding of how kids act in public but this was to an out of control extent and we hadn't even taken off yet, hence me almost confronting the mother.

One of the flight attendants must have been new and it must have been her first flight ever because as we are on our way to the runway the plane makes a turn and she grabs the phone and makes an announcement. And I quote, "make sure your seat belts are fastened! Ooo! That was a sharp corner!!!" Because you know a 737 topping out at maybe 30 mph on the tarmac is basically life threatening and half that plane was nearly thrown from their seats.

That flight was long, and awkward, and long. I even looked through the entire Sky Mall magazine, which I'm pretty sure I've never done before. The cheapest thing in there? $9.99 and it was a catch basin for a dog porch potty. But don't worry, it holds 2 gallons so you're definitely getting your $9.99 worth. The most expensive thing? A Luma Zero Gravity Recliner coming in at $2,999. Oh, and you can get it in sand, garnet, black, charcoal, sunset, latte, and coffee.

Coming into Seattle we passed some of their pretty awesome mountains that you could see from the plane, which was really actually quite cool until Mrs. Ber Rito next to me thought she'd snap some pictures. But first she had to climb over me. Awesome.

The next flight wasn't as bad other than the fact that we left the gate half an hour late and the guy sitting on my row thought he was the next Leonardo da Vinci and sketched the guy in front of him for the whole hour and a half. Oh and then the girl that was the poor receiver of the middle seat next to me parked her butt and immediately passed out. She had purple hair and a lot of piercings. Apparently she was still hungover from the night before. She also decided to share my leg room.

Oh traveling is fun, isn't it!?


  1. I just want to know what Cafe Rio is! Sounds like your travels are about as stellar as mine...

  2. I just found your blog and I love it already! You are a great storyteller. Although I have to say...no time is too early for a Cafe Rio burrito ;)

    looking forward to reading your posts!