Flight Attendant Say What?

Urban dictionary says a flight attendant is
 "what a cheerleader becomes when forced from the utopian fantasy of school into the real world." 

Anywhooo on my way back home from spring break I had possibly the best flight attendant I have ever encountered. And if we're being honest, I've been on my fair share of flights. Too many to count. 
This of course means that I have heard the safety shpeal more times than is healthy for any individual who has any amount of common sense. 
I usually tune them out and dive into the latest issue of US Weekly. 

Well if there was anything proven on this flight it's the fact that when you make things fun people are more inclined to pay attention. It started like this 

"This my friends, is a seat belt!" 

He continued 

"There may be 50 shades of Gray but there's 6 ways to leave an aircraft. In case we have an emergency please follow the disco lights on the floor as they will lead you to the parties at the exits. In case of a water landing you can find life vests under your seat. Place it over your head and pull the tab to inflate or if you insist on being an over achiever you can inflate it by yourself by blowing through the red tubes. Then it's kick, paddle, kick, paddle, all the way to shore. If we happen to experience a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will fall from the ceiling above you. If you are with a child or anyone who looks like a child, place yours on first and then proceed to help them. Place the mask over your nose and mouth and scream like a little girl. If you can't figure it out, keep screamin'. Screamin' means you're breathin' and breathin's the only thing that matters. ... In case of an emergency slides will inflate at the exits. Ladies if you see these slides grab your make-up bags cause you'll surely be on the news." 

"The total time between here and ... well, wherever we're going, is 1 hour and 41 minutes." 

After we landed in Seattle, it went a little like this 

"If this is your final stop, yippee! If not? Don't move.
If you've enjoyed your flight we have Elizabeth in the middle, Don in the back, and my name's Jeff. If not well we have Adelaide in the middle, Cedric in the back, and my name is Jaq." (last part said in a french accent) 

"Now be careful when opening the overhead bins as items may have multiplied." 

"Believe it or not ladies and gentleman we are all getting off this plane so there is no need to push, but when it is your turn please do what my dad told me to do when I turned 51. Get out!"

I feel like this guy was pretty dang entertaining and had my attention. Maybe he used to work on the Jungle Cruise at Disney Land. 

1 comment:

  1. Oh my goodness that is so funny! I can't believed you remembered all of it. I too have been on my fair share of flights listening to the same safety instructions over and over. This would have been very entertaining :)