Bachelor Week 7: A Girl Fight & An Exit

So this is basically an eternity late. I had it written Monday night but this week has been quite interesting (more on that later) and I didn't end up posting it until today. Obviously. I thought about not even posting it but I figured I had it written so why not.

The episode starts and we are basically 100% positive that Sharleen will in fact be going home this episode. Seeing as we go from 6 to 4 and I highly doubt she goes on a hometown date.  It’s also very clear that Clare and Nikki hate each other. It’s starting to remind me of the Alli and Vienna feud.

“We’re back in Miami, where everything began” Actually Juan Pabs… you need to study your geography because I’m pretty sure this Bach-aye-lore thing started in Cali.

They so kindly get delivered a box of skimpy swimwear. Apparently Sharleen and Andi’s one pieces upset the producers. I’m pretty sure this season is the first in 26 that we have seen a one piece or semi one piece on this show.

Chelsie just wants time but she should realize by now that she is also definitely going home because it’s obvious that he’s not digging her. Juan Pablo hands the date card to Sharleen. Sharleen’s first unintelligent comment of this season “I read it?” Yes honey, that seems to be the trend from the past 6 weeks. 

Clare is super pissed off that Sharleen got the one on one date. Because the fact that she had her second one last week is just totally unfair. She’s about as pleasant to listen to as a telemarketer. I think he actually should take Clare on another one on one date. They can go bunjee jumping and for the first time in Bachelor history, the rope won’t work and we’ll never have to hear  how hard her life is again.

Chelsie is also pissed Sharleen got the date.

Clare: “What is Sharleen?”
Well, she’s a NORMAL person who finds this process of falling in “love” over the course of a max of 40 days totally absurd. 

Andi is also pissed that she got the date.

Time for their date.
Sharleen asks JP if she seems uptight and he actually knows what that means… or does he? His response… “not that tight.” And of course all he wants to do is kiss her. I don’t understand why he likes her so much. Not that she’s not a decent girl it’s just that they don’t seem to fit. I guess it’s that whole thing about how guys like the chase and he likes the fact that she won’t give it up as easy as ugh cough Clare cough cough.

Nikki is also pissed that she got the date.

Sharleen says that the fact that she can’t stop kissing him “disturbs” her. I seriously laughed out loud. That’s probably the first time that word has even been used on this show when talking about the lead. 

At this point I can sum up their date pretty quick. They sit on a boat and make out. They move to a beach and make out. They go out in the water and make out. They move to a lounge chair and make out. The end.

I’m pretty sure his intelligence level is nowhere near hers and so instead of having to go through an awkward conversation an make himself look like more of a fool he avoids it by just making out with her for the 12 hours they’re on their date.

Nikki gets the one on one date tomorrow and says something about it’s good she danced in Korea. But if I recall that whole episode was her complaining about that date non-stop. The first thing she says when she sees him is “What are we doing?” She really wants to know so that she can start *&@%#&$! And whining about it asap.

Back at the house Sharleen finally says it’s best if she leaves. I’m glad she finally said it out loud.

Juan Pablo is taking Nikki to go meet his parents. And his daughter. And his ex. That’s probably the first time on the Bachelor that this has happened. And he must be really oblivious and not care that much or be super into Nikki and at this point it could most definitely be either of those. I for one really couldn’t believe how pleasant his ex wife was. If that were me I would not have let a woman who went on national television to “fall in love” come. I also find it hilarious that Juan Pablo who was SO CONCERNED about what his daughter will think, took the liberty of taking one of 6 remaining girls to meet her but yet we know he will show up with a completely different girl in a matter of about 2 weeks. But don’t worry that’s totally ah-septable.

They go to Marlins Park. His “office.” It kills me that he calls it that but it really kills me that she is calling it that as well. I think she forgot half of her dress at the hotel and I hope I’m not the only one who caught Juan Pablo staring down the front of her dress more than once or twice or ten times.

His favorite thing to say this episode is “What are you thinking? Tell me.”

“When Juan Pablo planned this date for me, he hit a homerun” Oh geez. Who came up with that one? And now she’s definitely in love with him.

I thought that was super sweet and polite for Sharleen to tell the girls what was going on instead of just sneaking off to talk to Juan Pablo. Clare cough cough. And this leads to the conversation with Juan Pabs telling him she’s leaving. She knocks on his door and basically barges into his room. It was awesome. She full on says that to be ready for marriage in three weeks is insane and she’s not up for that. Way to go Sharleen. The first fully sane person to be on The Bachelor. She should get a medal for that! And with that Sharleen finally leaves. And Juan Pablo heads out to the balcony to get that leaning over the balcony, crying, bachelor money shot.

Group date time

They get in a plane and head to a private beach. Of course, Clare has to sit closest to Juan Pablo. I personally hope that she makes it to the final two and he dumps her just so we can all watch the melt down of the century.

Immediately the rose is there and all the girls start freaking out. Chelsie feels that the most beneficial way to spend her one on one time is to read him a stack letters. He definitely really wants to keep her around now. Andi gets the next one on one time. She feels the most beneficial way to spend her time is to break down and cry in hopes of getting the sympathy rose. Think it will work? Well in the past 26 seasons this tactic has been proven to work time and time again. Am I the only one that really does not like Andi? I get the feeling that everyone likes her and wants her to be the next Bachelorette if Juan Pabs doesn’t end up with her but I just don’t think I could personally stand a whole season featuring her. Andi just loves how he calms her down so much. Because, ya know, he didn’t say two words that could possibly “calm her down”. Clare feels it’s most beneficial to get all emotional about her dad and his video and basically tries the tug the heart string route to get the rose. And the break down tactic works through and through… Andi gets the rose. Which of course Clare thinks is totally not fair. Okay, where was Renee on that date… I don’t recall seeing any one on one time with her. Maybe I just totally missed it or she really didn’t get any air time.

Anyways Andi and Juan Pablo head to a place with some latin music and get up on stage and dance. Which was more like them standing there bending their knees. But Andi thinks he’s a really good dancer. Umm honey, he suuuuuuuuucks.

Back at the hotel Clare can’t stop whining about how unfair it is. Because she “really needs that reassurance” even though she had a one on one date last week, got the very first one on one date, and had quite the rendezvous at 4 AM with him. She’s probably had the most juan on juan time of any of the girls. Clare gets mad because Nikki won’t sit there and listen to her cry so she feels the need to chase Nikki and make her listen to her sob story. Quite honestly as much as I dislike Nikki, I totally don’t blame her in this situation. Clare gets mad when Nikki tries to get a word in edge wise. I about died when Nikki asked Clare to leave and Clare says she doesn’t have to because it’s everybody’s room, she’s not paying for the room, it’s “open space”, yada yada yada. I totally think Nikki had a right to ask her to leave because yes, they are sharing a suite, but that is Nikki’s personal room that she’s not sharing with anybody else. I will say that I get the vibe that the other girls don’t like Nikki but in this situation I personally think Clare is acting crazy. But I’m telling you, Clare…. Bunjee jumping date…. Genius idea.

What did you guys think of this whole saga????? I’m dying to know.

Best line of the whole episode?

“Clare is like a dog. She peed on him first. She claimed her territory. She claimed some territory that might not be hers.”

Rose ceremony time and I personally think that our “Science Educator” or Renee will be heading home.

10 seconds into the cocktail party Clare is already snapping at Nikki.

Renee finally gets some one on one time that was shown…. For about two seconds.

Some of the things that Nikki said in her interviews were pretty shocking. I felt like we were in Courtney territory again. Apparently Nikki and Clare are both beasts and well, you know what happens when you put two Betas in the same bowl. Them sitting there together was probably more awkward than your parents walking in during the only sex scene of the entire movie.

I’m glad Juan Pablo got super dressed up for this rose ceremony. What happened to the Bachelor being classy and wearing a suit and tie for these things. Justin Timberlake would be disappointed because, “As long as I got my suit and tie….”

Andi - rose
Nikki – rose
Clare – rose

Renee – rose

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