Juan Pablo Goes to Hell

Sorry this is a little later than normal. School is taking over my life.
I think this week I'll just throw some bullet points up and make it snappy. I don't really have too much to say this week… I lose more and more interest each week.

- This week they were in Vietnam. We got the usual "I can't believe it," "dream come true," "falling in love," you know, the typical Bachelor word vomit.

- Renee gets the first one on one date. She's so excited because she hasn't kissed him yet. He's kissed basically all of the girls except Renee… that should tell her something.

- Juan Pablo puts her in the Vietnam equivalent of a stroller. Good thing he's a dad and is familiar with the baby buggy territory.

- They go to a tailor and she gets fitted for a dress. Little did she know that getting felt up by that tailor was the most action she'd be getting all night.

- They go shopping for their kids. Because if you didn't know, both Renee and Juan Pablo are single parents! Gosh, why don't they tell us this stuff!?! It's like we barely can figure it out. Cameeeela gets a dress that she'll probably never wear and Renee's son gets a hat. Because what 9 year old kid wouldn't want to strut around wearing a hat like that, damaging his reputation for the rest of his grade school years.

- yada yada yada. She wants a kiss. Juan Pabs says there's no way that will be happening tonight because he "doesn't want to disrespect her son" which translates into "I don't want to kiss Renee"

- She gets a rose. Are we really surprised? I don't think we will see anyone sent home on a one on one date this season. He doesn't have the guts to tell people he's not into them. So he just keeps them around and doesn't kiss them. Anyone else notice that we have yet to have a 2 on 1 date. I honestly have to wonder if they will even do one. Juan probably can't handle it.

- The group date card comes. Sharleen, Chelsie, Kat, Cassandra, Clare, Danielle, Kelly, and Alli.

- They head off to some boats and have to pair up. Clare gets to go with Juan Pablo because she has no friends in the house and no one would be caught dead pairing up with her.

- If the girls didn't hate her enough, her and Juan Pabs start mackin' down "in the bushes" where they know no one will see them. Except for the 7 other girls on the date.

-They had dinner after "inviting themselves in" to a family's home. Because you know, it was totally spontaneous and not planned at all. Just like everything else on this show.

- After dinner the real drama starts.

- At the group date cocktail party Juan Pablo grabs Clare and they head off back to his suite to go for a swim. Of course none of the other girls even notice that when she comes back her hair is wet and pulled back.

- Sharleen tells us she's unsure of her feelings for Juan Pablo. For the 100th time in a row. She doesn't get it. Maybe someone should tell her that it's obviously not going to work between them especially since SHE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE HIM!!! Maybe if someone sings it opera style to her she'll get it. She should eliminate herself and go home already. Don't get me wrong, I like the chick but she's normal and realizes that "falling in love" and getting engaged after 6 full weeks together is kind of ridiculous. She'd be better off if she left.

- The group date rose went to Clare. Hmm… wonder why.

- After the group date Clare says there's something she's always wanted to do… swim in a warm ocean. And isn't 4 am just the PERFECT time for that? So she sneaks off to go see Juan Pablo with I'm sure no encouragement at all from the producers. Cough, cough.

- He agrees and they go do well…  it was kind of vague and turned into a big to do so I guess it's left up to us viewers to decide. Did they do the deed? If I recall didn't Courntey and Ben do this same thing in his season? Except they went into the water with no clothes on to begin with.

- Clare said it was the best night of her life. And then I believe she compared herself to a baby giraffe? Really? Was that the best she could come up with? I guess when it's 6 am and you haven't slept in 24 hrs. and you're loaded up on the boos, we can't really expect much more.

- Nikki gets her one on one date next. She's just super confident because "I always get the rose on the group date!" Her date card reads, "Let's have a hell of a good time."

- They go repelling and there's about a million more of the typical Bachelor cliches about how this is just like falling in love with him, and it's so scary, and it's life or death, and it's all about trust. Okay how many seasons of the Bachelor/Bachelorette is this? 26. No one has died! But she's putting all her trust in Juan Pablo…. not the ropes, or repelling equipment, or the professionals that are standing a mere 7 inches away. Because if she falls it will definitely rest on Juan Pablo. Oh, just get a grip and go to hell Nikki. (meaning the cave of course)

-Nikki gets a rose.

-The cocktail party…. the main part was Juan Pablo and Clare hashing and re-hashing the midnight mingle in the "warm ocean". Juan tells her it was a mistake and Clare cries her eyes out, I mean allergies her eyes out for the rest of the night.

- Remembering back to the first night… Clare showed up with a fake baby bump, no?

Well now she's going to be showing up to the After the Final Rose with a real one! 
That will be a first… a Bachelor baby!!! It's bound to happen at some point, yeah? 

- In the end Juan Pabs sent Kelly, Danielle, and Alli home. 

- I'm sure this cocktail party isn't the last time we hear about Clare's 4 am rendezvous with him. The promos for next week clearly show that she has a one on one and they're talking about it. 

Keepin' it short(er) and sweet this week. Thank heavens "Juan-uary" is over… Now we're into "Febru-Arie" I personally think he should still be the bachelor because quite frankly, Arie is just down right hilarious. 

1 comment:

  1. Yeah JP is totally friendzoning Renee. I actually miss Kelly because of her snarky commentary.