The Bachelor Stalker Edition: Literally

Dear Society of Sean Land. . . Pack your bags. You're going to.... Montana? 

Most people were appalled that ABC would take them to such a place. We'll just tell them it's budget cuts. 

Honestly, if it were me, I'd love to go to Montana. Did you see the backdrop? Gorgeous! 

 Tierra says she's going to make the best of it. And then promptly after finishing this statement dramatically swats a bug out of her face. There probably wasn't even a bug in the first place. It's just another one of her hallucinations. 

The next quote goes uncredited because I honestly wasn't paying super close attention. 

"I just want to thank Sean for doing all of this" 

Umm... Honey, you should be thanking ABC 

Okay anyways Lindsay got the one-on-one date. 

I honestly can't tell you much other than I think she has a baby voice and every time she talks I cringe (Much like Selma) 

Yes, this is the girl who wore a wedding dress the first night. Awkward. 

I honestly thought she'd be long gone by now. 

Their date took place in Snoozeville, Montana. 

I was apparently too busy on pinterest or something to even watch this part but every time I looked at the screen I swear they were plantin' one on each other. 

Then Lindsay get's all excited because "He likes me!" 

Yeah, but he's also dating how many other girls? Apparently she left that little fact in her dress up box. 

Group date! 

 Relay race. This is going to be interesting. 

Not going to lie the canoeing part looked really fun and something about that just appeals to me. Especially in the mountains. 

Red team wins, blue team gets sent home. For a minute. 

After Chris delivers the total "shock" and bends the "rules" of letting the blue team come back,  Daniella says 

"The girls are literally going to die when we show up." 

Apparently she doesn't know how to use the word literally properly. 

Then Tierra shows up. . . 

As she hones her stalker skills she sneaks up on Sean and puts her hands over his face. 

"Sean?. . . " 

. . . .

"Yes?" 

Best part of the show right there. He sounded almost mad or frustrated. Almost.

She was so proud that she snuck out and got to talk to Sean without the other girls knowing. 

In other news Daniella sees Sean and Catherine outside and loses it because thats the guy she loves. So naturally she starts crying. Apparently it only takes tears to win Sean's heart and he gave the rose to Daniella, just like he did with Tierra. Does he not see how he's getting manipulated for these roses? It's getting embarrassing. Literally. 

Then Tierra and Jackie's two-on-one date rolls around. 

This show is like polygamist dating. Is that even allowed? 

Sean shows up and I might have squealed when I saw him. No not because I think he's good looking but because of his sweater/cardigan. I'm sorry. I loved it. I swear when I find my husband, sans bachelor style, he will be put together, know what fashion is, and love shopping. I enjoy that in a guy. I want a guy that appreciates a good outfit, on him, and me. End side rant. 

Horse back riding. I felt bad for Jackie. She was legit the third wheel. 

If you're on a two-on-one date that's not good. If you're basically invisible during this date, you have no hope. 

Jackie gets one on one time and tells Sean about Tierra. Say goodbye. Has she not learned anything from Kacie B. or any of the other seasons of The Bachelor? 

The girl who spills heads for the hills. 

Sean rewards her honesty by not giving her a rose. 

I'm sorry Jackie, if you did not receive a rose, take a moment, and say your goodbyes. 

Oh geez... the rose ceremony. That was a whole big other mess. Drama central! 

Robyn got the boot and I can't say I was disappointed. I never liked her. Her and Tierra. And together bleh. That has more drama than the Jersey Shore. 

And oh wait! We get 2 nights of Bachelor this week. They probably HAD to do that to keep their audience since last nights show was so boring. 

Sometimes I wish I drink for the sole purpose of The Bachelor. 

You know? Take a drink

Every time....

- Sean says he wants to find his wife

- someone cries 

- someone says something about Tierra 

- Sean is described as the "perfect" guy 

- Sean is shirtless 

- Chris says "this is the last rose" 

- Tierra cries

- Sarah comments on having one arm

- theres a helicopter 

- Sean kisses a girl 

Oh man the list could be endless. Maybe I'll turn it into a Diet Coke drinking game.  Uh oh gettin' some caffeine up in here. It just got real.