Another week. Another drama fest called The Bachelor.
Hope you enjoyed that promo for what's about to happen because that's the most drama you're going to see all episode guaranteed. ABC has a way of hyping things up that don't need the hyping.
Cue the awkward scene of Sean getting ready. This time we are faced with a very unappealing, basically inappropriate low camera angle of Sean in his boxer briefs. I don't care how attractive you are. I don't want to see that.
Oop! 30 seconds in and somebody's already crying. This, my friends, has got to be a new Bachelor record.
"I just really want a date."
Welcome to the world girl. Get in line, because there's a whole lot of girls out there who "just really want a date."
(today I'm going to add Arie's tweets from throughout the show. I'll put * around them. I thought I'd do you all a favor because basically this dude is hilarious)
Selma gets a date card. . . "let's turn up the heat"
Well, she sure "dressed" for the occasion.
On their way there: "Are you sure you can handle this? All 110 lbs of this?"
Wow Selma! What a subtle way of announcing your weight to all of America! Too bad your ego weighs more than you.
They get to the desert. "I do not do well in heat. At. All."
Hey girl, did you read your date card? (womp, womp) fail.
*Arie: Did he really take an Iraqi to the desert?*
Rock climbing, yada yada, I'm so scared, yada yada, Sean will get me through it, yada yada, and my favorite, "It's do or die. Right now." You got that right girl! You climb that rock or you will definitely die, because you're not strapped in or anything. Yup. Do or die.
End of the date. "I can't kiss you" but I'm going to sit here and whisper and talk in my annoying, squeakier than a mouse, boyfriend voice and taunt you. Please, spare us. Flash back to all the other seasons of The Bachelor- all the girls that say "I'm not going to kiss you" or "I can't kiss you" A) always seem to be bratty and dramatic B) Almost always end up kissing the dude anyways and C) Always get sent home. I'm calling it now. Selma's not the one. Anyone want to bet?
Roller Derby time.
Umm. This date. I don't have much to say about this date.
Amanda was totally believable when she said she'd done this before. It was awesome. Unfortunately for her she caught that one in the butt.
*Arie: I think those teeth were so big they broke her chin.*
second part of the date: "Here's to a good day and hopefully an even better night." I'm beginning to think this is the only toast Sean can come up with. I bet the writers will fix that one soon.
*Arie: If you've noticed how out of control Tierra eyebrow is then I suggest following @TierrasEyebrow.*
*Arie: I have no filter tonight please excuse me. #bachelor*
Well we all know how much Robyn loves Tierra and she just eggs her on. Then Tierra goes ahead and takes it and runs with it making it an even bigger deal.
Did you like that super awkward make-out session Sean was having while Tierra was running around playing duck duck goose looking for him?
*Arie: @SeanLowe09 kissin' skills improving my friend. *
Sean to Tierra's rescue. "I don't want a sympathy rose" but honey, that's exactly what you got.
*Arie: Woooooooooooooooooooow what the? Squeaky wheel get's the rose.*
Hey, guess what girl! You got that date you really just wanted.
Okay this date was the stereotypical bachelor date. We'll skip most, well basically all of it.
He doesn't like her. Obviously. One word answers? There's your sign.
Then he picks up the rose and you can hear her excitement. I cringed.
*Arie: Don't pick up the rose if you're not going to give it to her*
He walks her out and the best part of that whole awkward situation? When she talks about giving the necklace back. That was super awkward.
I really actually liked Leslie. I thought she was super down to earth and super real. A rarity in the world of Bachelor.
Then we see Sean, looking alllllll depressed and defeated. Then they so cunningly placed him leaning over the balcony in a Jake Pavelkaesk way and BOOM. He. Dropped. The. Rose.
Did you notice how when it happened there were suddenly an unrealistic amount of petals "falling off" the rose? Wow. So dramatic!
*Arie: I brown out when Tierra talks... she is Tierra-able. #makeitstop*
*Arie: Tierra-able just freaking Tierra-able*
*Arie then retweets this... @TierrasEyebrow: It can only go up from here*
I laughed at that one.
And then Robyn's whole "chocolate" thing. Seriously? I just, I just, there are no words.
Tacky? Maybe. Psycho? Yes.
The fact that he kissed her? Really?
I just don't like her.
And here is where we encounter the second most dramatic part of the whole episode...
The promo for next week!
(duh duh duh)
Hold on to your jaw! There's another "emergency"